It Took Me A Long Time To Realize

On the hillside covered in blood
I met my soul
She was unclean, she looked gray
I looked at the whole world for just one minute
It looked like fun, but when I saw it I was already in a grave
Who fired the fucking gun?
I felt it on my skin, it was nothing more than a graze
It hurt, but nothing would hurt more than seeing my soul being impure

It took me a long time to realize, when I saw it I was already covered in blood
I felt my worst fears become the purest reality
People say: Face your fears, but talk is too easy
Doing it is fucking hard
It took me a long time to realize I wasn't alive anymore
Why didn't anyone cry? They were my sin
It took me a long time, it took me a long time to realize I was dead

These walls saw me as a banshee
And I also see myself like this, I see myself as a nobody wandering without feeling
I could shoot myself and no one would worry
And it hurts so much to know that you're not anyone's priority
But now you gotta pull yourself together 'cause they got called you weak
And they put you in a cage full of snakes
Fight for your life, but talk is cheap for a dick
Do it in my place, do it in my place, do it, do it, do it in my fucking place

It took me a long time to realize I was dissipating
I don't regret drinking the poison
It tastes like revenge, it's kind of bittersweet, it's kind of mesmerizing
You're nobody's priority, child, don't cry
It took you a long time to realize, child, that you were already inside the asylum
It took me a long time to realize that I was no longer in control of the world

But don't cry, fight, that way you will prove your worth
What if I don't want to fight? I've already cut myself too much
The scale was no longer physical, it was mental, fucking mental
And you took too long, and you took too long, and you took too long
Child, you are lost in the world where only the strong win
And you are a defenseless animal, but don't feel pain, it is psychological

It took me a long time to realize
It took me a long time to realize
It took me a long time to realize
It took me a long time to realize
That the world is a battlefield which I already lost centuries ago and you will be next