Internal War

I never contemplaited from adolescence to a man
Why I'm so quiet, with little friends
Could the reason be I'm whispering to spirits?
Apparitions inside my head
I tried fighting off the demons
Until they showed me what I needed
Conjuring emotions and violent solutions
I let them burrow deeper and posses a part of me

Now I am one with the damned!
They're fuckin tempting me!
The tension keeps rising!
Tell me it's alright to make wreckless decisons
Assert my vengeance!

I want to force them to feel what it's like to be
Still covered in the scars of past oppressors
Fortunately, I healed faster indulging in grief
Still, I'll never forgive what was done to me!

My escape is empty highways
A simple pen serves well as my weapon
After being held captive
Slightly considering death
Once one thing I loved was robbed from me

Slicing a knife through the wrist was the first and final attempt
Leaving behind the mental abuse and emotional stress
I'm harmed, but finally free
When I think about it, I don't need help
I just inflicted scars to watch myself bleed
Maybe to realize how damaged I am internally
No longer supressing memories, the past had to be released!

I'm not miserable now
Still you couldn't handle what transpires within my dreams
Incessant rambling, horrific crime scenes
If there was a god, he's punishing me
For years of defiance and blasphemy
Where was my calm before or after the strom?
Even when I reach R.E.M. my mind is still at war