DSM-V

In my memories
I can see the sky as it was when I was a child
Gazing up above the fences of our yard
It was endless, so beautiful and blue

My world, the world I knew was so small
Our humble home the universe
There were no crowds, no town
No thoughts of backing out

I haven't been able to since then
To just lie in the grass
And let my thoughts run into those endless skies
To lose all track of time
And just live again

Everything has changed now, and changed forever
I can't see the vibrant colours as they used to be
Or hear the wind rustling through the trees
It's all lost it's flavour

All hope has slowly been replaced by fear
Fear of destitution, fear of rejection and of failure
Fear of losing it all

I sometimes feel that the only reason for perseverance
Is in the hope of feeling once more like we did when we were children
Of feeling the security of our family, and of our childhood
And the belief that things really would get better

I chanced to walk past that old house the other day
I am still there, somehow, lying in the grass
Looking up and watching the clouds pass by
The child is still there, in that calm world
Forever innocent, forever hopeful
His Mother and Father will always be there to love him

I thought to myself as I passed
That I have made so many mistakes in my life
I have drifted so far from the path
That I can no longer find my way back through the darkness
That I have failed this child so utterly, so completely
Just as the reality of the world has failed him

That I don't deserve to be here, in this place

I stood then and looked at our house one last time
Just long enough to allow what happiness remained in me
To leave my body, and rejoin that child in his perfect world
Of love and joy, and laughter
Of warmth and peace, and beauty
Before turning back toward the decaying highway
And returning to the awful mess my life has become