Thank God It’s Me

Every night I pray I don't wake up again
Razor on the sink, demons under my skin
Being the oldest feels more like a curse
Better me than my brother lying in a hearse
I smile so he won't see the blood in my head
Carry his future while I'm wishing I was dead
I can't let him know what it feels like inside
So I take the bullet's and I swallow the lies

Cigarettes burning holes in my lungs
Liquor in my veins till I go numb
I don't wanna live but I can't die
Thank God it's me, not him

Mama don't notice, daddy don't care
I scream in my silence, nobody's there
If I put a gun to my mouth tonight
Would they cry for me, or just turn off the light?
I'm drowning in pills, I'm drowning in guilt
A coffin of secrets that I had to build
If someone had to suffer, I'm glad that it's me
'Cause my brother deserves what I'll never be

And if I go first, don't you tell him the truth
Say his sister was strong, not shattered and bruised
I'm the broken one, I was born to take the fall
Better me than him, losing nothing at all

Cigarettes burning holes in my lungs
Liquor in my veins till I go numb
I don't wanna live but I can't die
Thank God it's me, not him