Uncle Material

Oh, no! Babies everywhere
Everybody's having babies!
Crying and pissing and burping and spittin' and fussin'
And shittin' while making you rue the day
Babies, too many babies

Listen up everyone, here's the scoop
Babies like to turn your money into poop
Newborns all look like aliens
They spawn on this planet and abduct your best friend

Sleep deprived, want to die, as I rock him to sleep
Work all day, rinse, lather, then repeat
Sing a lullaby while ignoring the smell
Gotta keep the thing alive or you'll end up in jail

Babies will whine and cry
All day and night
What I'm trying to say is

I don't wanna have baby
That's a no, not a maybe
Everybody says I'm crazy
Cuz I don't wanna raise a baby

I may end up really lonely
But at least I'm not a daddy
I don't wanna clean up vomit
Or wipe off a poopy heiny

Oh, yeah! I can get a vasectomy!
Denying parents grandbabies
Sisters and brothers and fathers and mothers
And aunties and uncles all push me to reproduce
Chew toys do not pacify

Listen up, everyone, here's the deal
You're not the one that's gonna end up paying the bills
Parenthood's a prison of barf and tears
A mandatory minimum of 18 years

Overpopulation is rising too
So let's add another mouth to compete for food
Take a good look at me, tell me now
Do we really need another me running around?

Babies will break the bank
And crush your dreams
What I'm trying to say is

I don't wanna have a baby
That's a no, not a maybe
Pay someone to sterilize me
That will ensure I have no baby

I think I'd rather have rabies
Than to rear a human baby
All the money I'd be saving
Could buy a robot or a puppy

So much poop
Too much pee
No free time
No more sleep
Kill me
(Baby Noises)