Im A Textpert

                    G
Yes, because. I'm a textpert
   F
An expert at texting
  C                           Am           *F*
Rejecting the notion that you think I'll be wrecking
G                           F
Due to the fact that I'm distracted?!
             C                                Am         *F*
I multi-task best behind the wheel when I get textually active

G                                F
YOU should keep both eyes on the road, sir. For real
C                                           Am                    *F*
You'll look down, look up and end up in the trunk of another automobile
G                         F
Leave it to a pro. Be incommunicado
          C                                 Am            *F*  G
Until you get to where you need to go, this conversation's O. Ver

[Rhett & Link talking]
 F
No it isn't?
       C
Yes it is
      Am   *F*
No it isn't!

[Rhett]
            G              F
Cause I'm a textpert! An expert at texting
C                           Am        F
Pressing, my keypad when my car's not resting
G                F
I can divide my attention up
      C                              Am    *F*
I got so much attention, I've got an eleven-tion

G                             F
With one eye on the road; one eye on my phone
  C                                      Am       *F*
I texted-in this drive-thru order for my latte and scone
Thank you
            G                  F
Now I'm-n-a text-n-eat-n-sip-n-dip and shift
         C          Am        *F*
It in to D and then chin-drive home

[Hook: Rhett & Link]
G              F
I'm a textpert
                       C                        Am      F
A textin' traveler who doesn't need a chauffeur-eur-eur-eur-eur
G              F
I'm a textpert
Continues after the ad
               C                    Am      F
Don't worry, nobody's gonna get hurt-urt-urt-urt-urt

[Link]
    G            F
Sometimes I text both sides of a conversation
           C                        Am      *F*
Cause it's tough to keep up with my text-ual pacing
        G                                  F
On rare occasion, when I've got nothing to text about
  C                       Am             *F*
I text myself reminders of what I'm doing now

[Rhett]
  G                 F
I carry on, more concurrent conversations
     C                  Am      *F*
Than one phone alone is prone to accept
So, I've
G                       F
Tested and perfected my patented method:
    C                         Am       *F*
The second handset hands-free toe text

[Link]
  G            F
I ride with my Swedish Masseuse
    C                       Am *F*
She gimme deep tissue thumb shiatzu

[Rhett]
   G                  F
My yogi shows me hand yoga poses, like:
C                         Am          *F*
Downward Facing Pinky and Thumb Lotus

[Link]
           G                 *F*
I'll never stoop so low, as to text photos
          C                        Am         *F*
Instead I text the correct combo of 1's and 0's

[Rhett]
       G              F
I'm an artiste! Using ASCII!
       C                      Am         *F*
I just texted this toad to an art gallery

[Link]
G                             F
I text more, than the next bored pre-pubescent tween!
   C                         Am        *F*
In fact I've text-induced my own second puberty!

[Rhett]
G
How does that work exactly?

[Link]
F                          C           *Am*
Everything that happened before is happening some more
That's all I'm comfortable sharing at this time...

[Rhett]
         G                   F
I gave a lift to a drifter!
                         C
And texted his estranged sister
            Am        *F*
And now I'm hostin' em here for dinner!

[Link]
     G                   F
Well did I mention I'm a text-itrician?
           C                Am    *F*
A next-gen OB/GYN, a Lamaze text-nician

[Rhett]
      G                        F
Well, I'm the next Dr. Phil of SMS

[Link]
    C                           Am      *F*
I'm poppin' out babies with the power of text!

[Hook]
G              F
I'm a textpert
                       C                        Am      F
A textin' traveler who doesn't need a chauffeur-eur-eur-eur-eur


[Rhett and Link talking]
G                                         |     G
By the way, where're you headed son?      |    (I'm a textpert)
       F                                  |     F
Headed West on 421                        |       (Don't worry,)
421?                                      |
   C                                      |       C
Uh-huh                                    |    (Nobody's gonna get hurt)
West?!                                    |
Am                                        |     Am
Yes. You?                                 |    (-urt-urt-)
F                                         |     F
Me? I'm headed...                         |    (-urt-urt)
G (if you want a punctual ending)
[CRASH]