Empty Words

If I'm gonna be honest I'm scared to tell it all
If I let go of my secrets will I have anything at all?
If I'm gonna be honest transparency's my God
But I keep all of these secrets to make it seem like I'm not lost
I'm not lost
This is the lie I tell myself and this is the reason that I'm still here
Weighed down by the guilt of it all when every confession is insincere
I know, I know it all too well but I keep going back because at least I'll have a story to tell
I have a story to tell
But I'm still dirtier than I thought I'd ever be
I keep hiding from the cross cause deep down I don't want to be free
I wanna hold on to this darkness; scream it loud so I am heard
If I'm gonna be honest, it's the same song I just rearrange the words
I've been too scared to move past
To move past everything I've done
The devil that I know is better than the one I don't
I know it all too well
This is not the story that I want to tell
Cause I'm still dirtier than I thought I'd ever be
I keep hiding from the cross cause deep down I don't want to be free
I wanna hold on to this darkness
Scream it loud so I am heard
If I'm gonna be honest, it's the same song I just rearrange the words
This is the only way I know how to cope
Just grit my teeth and bare it all
This is the only way I know how to feel
So I stay put to keep these stories real
I know there's been truth in the things I've sought
And I've screamed transparency
But I'm all talk