To Be A Liberal

E
On my way in here tonight
             G#m              A
I bruised my nose hugging a tree.
       F#m                         
I was late ‘cause I had to stop by 
                   Dmaj7
on my way in San Quentin
                     E
to set a criminal free.
G#m                        
And I ran out on seven-grain 
bee-pollen macrobiotic organic 
                           G#
sustainable medical marijuana
              A
for my jerky knee.
       E    F#m     G#m
Do you know how hard it is
           F#m
to be a liberal?
       B
Well, do ya?

E                             
I had to learn to speak French, 
                       G#m
Spanish, Hindi, and dolphin
                A
just so I could relate.
      F#m
I’m exhausted from taxing and 
spending,
and controlling the media, and 
hiding my agenda,
                Dmaj7        
and ruling San Francisco as a 
                    E
separatist nation-state.
       G#m
And in yoga today, I got bent out of
 shape
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‘cause the guy doing bow-pulling 
                           G#
pulls in front of me was intolerant
          A
which I hate!
       E    F#m     G#m
Do you know how hard it is
           F#m
to be a liberal?
       B
Well, do ya?

G
Constantly feeding the hungry
                  C
and bleeding my heart
and exceeding my budget
               Fmaj7
and needing approval
and reading The Nation
                   A#     
and leading a sing-along — 
   D
EVERYBODY!
(No wait, that was just an impulse. 
Sorry.)
D   A

E
I was shootin’ hoops with some 
brothas
                          G#m
when I sprained my ba-donka-donk
                          A
and ya know that ain’t chill.
 F#m
I saved an endangered snail-darter
from being eaten by an endangered 
spotted owl
 F#m
which I saved from being eaten by an
 endangered snow-leopard
which I saved from being shot by a 
   Dmaj7
poacher
              E
who I had to kill — (with kindness. 
It took a while.)
G#m
And I hit a speed bump and I spilled
 my chi-latte all over the 
hemp-covered seats of my Prius
and the speed-bump
turned out to be a homeless Native 
American
 F#m
so I apologized and gave him some 
land,
I stomped out his cigarette and took
 away his gun and shot myself in the
 nuts on my way to
my frivolous lawsuit for sexual 
harassment where I was suing myself 
              G#                 
‘cause I masturbated — against my 
  A
will!
       E    F#m  G#m
Do you know how hard it is
      F#m
to be me?
       E    F#m  G#m
Do you know how hard it is
   F#m         A    B
just to be a knee-jerk liberal?
              F#m
What I wouldn’t give
          A         B           E
to be a circle-jerk conservative!