To Be A Liberal

E
On my way in here tonight
             G#m              A
I bruised my nose hugging a tree.
       F#m                                            Dmaj7
I was late ‘cause I had to stop by on my way in San Quentin
                     E
to set a criminal free.
G#m                                                                                  G#
And I ran out on seven-grain bee-pollen macrobiotic organic sustainable medical marijuana
              A
for my jerky knee.
       E    F#m     G#m
Do you know how hard it is
           F#m
to be a liberal?
       B
Well, do ya?

E                                                    G#m
I had to learn to speak French, Spanish, Hindi, and dolphin
                A
just so I could relate.
      F#m
I’m exhausted from taxing and spending,
and controlling the media, and hiding my agenda,
                Dmaj7                            E
and ruling San Francisco as a separatist nation-state.
       G#m
And in yoga today, I got bent out of shape
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                                                            G#
‘cause the guy doing bow-pulling pulls in front of me was intolerant
          A
which I hate!
       E    F#m     G#m
Do you know how hard it is
           F#m
to be a liberal?
       B
Well, do ya?

G
Constantly feeding the hungry
                  C
and bleeding my heart
and exceeding my budget
               Fmaj7
and needing approval
and reading The Nation
                   A#        D
and leading a sing-along — EVERYBODY!
(No wait, that was just an impulse. Sorry.)
D   A

E
I was shootin’ hoops with some brothas
                          G#m
when I sprained my ba-donka-donk
                          A
and ya know that ain’t chill.
 F#m
I saved an endangered snail-darter
from being eaten by an endangered spotted owl
 F#m
which I saved from being eaten by an endangered snow-leopard
                                      Dmaj7
which I saved from being shot by a poacher
              E
who I had to kill — (with kindness. It took a while.)
G#m
And I hit a speed bump and I spilled my chi-latte all over the hemp-covered seats of my Prius
and the speed-bump
turned out to be a homeless Native American
 F#m
so I apologized and gave him some land,
I stomped out his cigarette and took away his gun and shot myself in the nuts on my way to
                                                                                  G#      
my frivolous lawsuit for sexual harassment where I was suing myself ‘cause I masturbated — 
             A
against my will!
       E    F#m  G#m
Do you know how hard it is
      F#m
to be me?
       E    F#m  G#m
Do you know how hard it is
   F#m         A    B
just to be a knee-jerk liberal?
              F#m
What I wouldn’t give
          A         B           E
to be a circle-jerk conservative!