October Freewrite

I sit and play my organ to this carnival of souls
And I bare my paper heart to let the article unfold
It's harder to control I know I'm partial to indulge
So I drink and sink I think it brings a calmness to my skull
I watch it all unfold just to stitch it all together
Gettin' shivers from my mistress that delivered me a letter
Full of pain, full of hope and the increments of pleasure
It contains more of those then any instrument can measure
Yeah, feeling ugly in my skin
Weaving a tornado and then running from the wind
This habit of abandonment is something I resent
Cause it's tragic and it's cancerous it's functioning like death
I want to meet a mute just to kiss her on her honest lips
Use my withered hands and paint a picture of accomplishment
Mixture of the opposites insecure and confident
Uh, these are the symptoms of an optimist

Cause you can hang yourself for all I care
I don't mean that but I wish I did
I kissed your lips and I whispered isn't this intense
Every time the winter hits your relation-ship-wreck and I slit my wrists
Here's the falling snow
I don't know much except I know I don't know when it's time to go
I'm alone in my room missin' Mike again
Leviathan on my back so I have to write again
Second class citizen, epitaph chiseled in my neck and back
When I've been to hell and back visitin', right?
I fell in traps on the pilgrimage
Sellin' off to dodge when you left me for a bargain
Sometimes I drink till four AM
Am I self-destructive? I drink therefore I am
Magnetism like I know Descartes
On a sojourn for an owner of a lonely heart
We could be together, forever
On Noah's ark drifting where the souls depart
You could show me the contents
Napoleon complex could rip my bones apart

Look
I would bleed in the snow
And wait for the sun just to see what would grow
This is for the days I would sink in a hole
And every disconnected handshake received at a show
For every single girl that was scared to say she loved me
And everyone that did when she'd only want to fuck me
For every friend that I knew I'd never trust
All's quiet on the western front
I've been searching for a straw in a barrel full of needles
Too late to be original but scared to do a sequel
When the veins show they're varicose and feeble
From the fake hopes and pheromones they feed you
See, I don't like my skin today
I'll bite the hand that feeds till it bleeds and my lips decay
All these things I can't give away
So I think I'll just sit awake

(What's the point of dreaming anyway right?)

There's a monster on the inside clawin' at my skin
Beggin' me to let him out and calling me a friend
Telling me to have some fun, telling me to grab a gun
Saying it'll be a blast I know that he's acting up
But, if he doesn't quit soon
I'mma have to send him to his bedroom (click, boom)
You are nothing but another schizophrenic urge
Of givin' human properties without a sympathetic nervous system
Uh, I hope you get under control cause
I don't wanna get to know the devil on my shoulder
Rainbows are black
Angels are black
Fangs in my neck and your halo is cracked
Allergic to your skin so you make jokes and laugh
But you really want to leave I'm your scapegoat for that
And even though I know I'm barely turning twenty five
When there's no more bridges left I'll just burn myself alive
That's what I deserve
That's what I have earned
When I can't survive the ash and fire, blasphemize my words
Tell them that I wasn't very good in the first place
Don't believe the hype wake me up when it's October