Monkey Farts

    D                A7           
My father came here from his home 
   D
in Ireland,
       G               D          
He was quiet but they said that he
      A7
 was wise.
       D                D7        
He and Mother did their best, gave
      G                E
 us a home and all the rest,
                     E7            
But to talk to us he never had the 
 A7
time.
           D             A7       
Sure, he'd say "Pass the butter." 
          D
or, "Come here young man."
          G                   D   
Or, "Keep quiet." or, "No you 
         A7
can't have a dime."
          D              D7    
Until the day when I was leavin' 
           G               E
when Dad finally found a reason
                E7           
For sharing his philosophy of 
 A7
life...

         D                     A7 
He said: "A monkey fart should 
          D
smell like a banana,
G                    D           
English farts should smell like 
       A7
cups of tea;
    D            D7             G
The farting of a fairy should be 
               E
very light and airy,
                      E7         
When a father farts I hope you'll 
          A7
think of me.
   D                  A7       
An Irish fart should always lilt 
        D
with laughter,
          G                   D   
It should melt your heart and melt
                A7
 your shorts as well,
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         D                     D7 
            G
  E
A lion's fart should roar with 
power, cuckoos should fart every 
hour,
                         E7        
A nun's fart should have meaning 
     A7
but no smell;
  D                        A7     
A strong man's fart should sound 
          D
out like a trumpet,
  G                    D          
A pretty girl's should barely even
  A7
 squeak,
       D               D7         
But the person you can trust is 
  G                E
the one who'd rather bust
     E7                            
Than ever let one rip right on the 
A7
street..."


           D               A7     
Well, from my old man this really 
       D
was an earful,
  G             D                  
I tried to understand just what he 
A7
meant;
               D             D7   
His words were primitive but 
       G                 E
strong so I wouldn't get them wrong,
                    E7           
He was saying to be careful as I 
A7
went.
       D            A7         D
He was saying to be happy as I could
 be,
       G               D          
He was saying watch my step and as
   A7
 I pass,
     D               D7       
To beware who I look up to, and 
     G            E
whatever else I might do,
          E7 (Hold)                 
                       A7
Know that most of what you get from 
folks is just escaping gas...


            D                  A7 
He said: "A monkey fart should 
          D
smell like a banana,
G                    D           
English farts should smell like 
       A7
cups of tea;
    D            D7              
The farting of a fairy should be 
G              E
very light and airy,
                      E7         
When a father farts I hope you'll 
          A7
think of me.
   D                  A7       
An Irish fart should always lilt 
       D
with laughter,
          G                   D   
It should melt your heart and melt
                A7
 your shorts as well,
        D                      D7 
            G
  E
A lion's fart should roar with 
power, cuckoos should fart every 
hour,
                         E7        
A nun's fart should have meaning 
      A7
but no smell;
   D                       A7     
A strong man's fart should sound 
          D
out like a trumpet,
  G                    D           
A pretty girl's should barely even 
A7
squeak,
        D              D7         
But the person you can trust is 
   G               E
the one who'd rather bust
     E7           A7               
Than ever let one rip right on the 
D
street..."