Monkey Farts

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My father came here from his home in Ireland,
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He was quiet but they said that he was wise.
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He and Mother did their best, gave us a home and all the rest,
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But to talk to us he never had the time.
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Sure, he'd say "Pass the butter." or, "Come here young man."
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Or, "Keep quiet." or, "No you can't have a dime."
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Until the day when I was leavin' when Dad finally found a reason
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For sharing his philosophy of life...

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He said: "A monkey fart should smell like a banana,
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English farts should smell like cups of tea;
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The farting of a fairy should be very light and airy,
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When a father farts I hope you'll think of me.
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An Irish fart should always lilt with laughter,
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It should melt your heart and melt your shorts as well,
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  E
A lion's fart should roar with power, cuckoos should fart every hour,
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A nun's fart should have meaning but no smell;
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A strong man's fart should sound out like a trumpet,
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A pretty girl's should barely even squeak,
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But the person you can trust is the one who'd rather bust
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Than ever let one rip right on the street..."


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Well, from my old man this really was an earful,
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I tried to understand just what he meant;
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His words were primitive but strong so I wouldn't get them wrong,
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He was saying to be careful as I went.
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He was saying to be happy as I could be,
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He was saying watch my step and as I pass,
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To beware who I look up to, and whatever else I might do,
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Know that most of what you get from folks is just escaping gas...


            D                  A7           D
He said: "A monkey fart should smell like a banana,
G                    D                  A7
English farts should smell like cups of tea;
    D            D7              G              E
The farting of a fairy should be very light and airy,
                      E7                   A7
When a father farts I hope you'll think of me.
   D                  A7              D
An Irish fart should always lilt with laughter,
          G                   D                   A7
It should melt your heart and melt your shorts as well,
        D                      D7             G
  E
A lion's fart should roar with power, cuckoos should fart every hour,
                         E7              A7
A nun's fart should have meaning but no smell;
   D                       A7               D
A strong man's fart should sound out like a trumpet,
  G                    D           A7
A pretty girl's should barely even squeak,
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But the person you can trust is the one who'd rather bust
     E7           A7               D
Than ever let one rip right on the street..."