The Alcohol Song

I've come out three times first as queer
And then as trans
Both times met with acceptance
And metaphorical clapping of hands
Third time was met
With disbelief an awkwardness so chronic
They thought I must be joking
When I said I'm an alcoholic
They said I was too young
As if there's an age limit for addiction
And they drink way more than me
And there's absolutely nothing wrong with them
I can't say that I agree
When our friendship's based on getting drunk
And sober conversation's a ship of silence
That can't be sunk

'Cuz I drink when I'm happy
And I drink when I'm sad
And I drink when life is going well
And when it turns out bad
I drink to remember
And I drink to forget
My mum said that if I carry on
I'll probably end up dead

I first realised there were problems
When I woke in a strangers bed
I didn't know where the fuck I was
And I couldn't feel my head
I lost most of my money
And I lost most of my clothes
And with that I found my pants
And took to the open road
I tried to call my friends
But none of them picked up
They were probably still out clubbing
Or probably just too drunk
So I called the one woman on whom I can rely
'Hi mum it's me I'm lost' I said
And then I began to cry
Look around what can you see she asked
And I could see big ben
And I found a train station
And promised this won't happen again
When I promised that I meant it
My drinking career would end
But it didn't stop me doing the exact same thing
That next weekend

'Cuz I drink when I'm happy
And I drink when I'm sad
And I drink when life is going well
And when it turns out bad
I drink to remember
And I drink to forget
My mum said that if I carry on
I'll probably end up dead

If you think it's not a problem
Then let me tell you this
I promised my best friend I'd stopped drinking
That same night I got pissed
I missed her exhibition
Because I was so hungover
It doesn't take a genius to work out
That friendship's over
When you wanna put down the bottle
But you've lost all the willpower
And you slip on the bathroom floor
And knock yrself out in the shower
And you try to kill yourself
'Cuz you're convinced you won't be missed
The next morning you realise you only felt
That way 'cuz you were pissed
When you're abusive towards yr friends
And abusive towards yr partner
And you wake up with no recollection
Of that behaviour after
If you've still got the audacity to tell me I'm okay
Then my friend stay the fuck outta my life
And stay the fuck outta my way

'Cuz I drink when I'm happy
And I drink when I'm sad
And I drink when life is going well
And when it turns out bad
I drink to remember
And I drink to forget
My mum said that if I carry on
I'll probably end up dead

'Cuz I drink when I'm happy
And I drink when I'm sad
And I drink when life is going well
And when it turns out bad
I drink to remember
And I drink to forget
And I know that if I carry on
I'll probably end up dead