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    Your hair is soft and shiny
    Your beard is awfully neat
    Your eyebrows are so tidy
    To smell you is a treat
    You look so terribly spiffing
    You always steal the show
    You fill my heart with laughter
    When I'm feeling low

    Your humour is so super
    You really make me smile
    You're a man of information
    and as sweet as tate and lyle
    We have so much in common
    We get along just swell
    I love kissing boys
    and you love that as well

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    We'd really make a handsome pair
    excepting one detail
    If only you liked women or
    If only I were male

    We'd throw some splendid parties
    Invite our friends to dine
    Eat continental cheeses
    And drink the finest wines
    Our home would be delightful
    I think it's safe to say
    We'd get along so famously,
    Its too bad that you're gay

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