Vegematic

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Fell asleep last night with the TV 
on
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Oh, what a dream I had
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I dreamed I went and answered every 
single one
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Of those late night mail order ads
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And four to six weeks later, much 
   E      Am
to my surprise
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The mailman came to my front door
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And I couldn't believe my eyes

[CHORUS 1]
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When he brought the Vegematic
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And the Pocket Fisherman too
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Illuminated illustrated history of 
life
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Boxcar Willie with a Ginzu knife
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A bamboo steamer, and a Garden 
  E      Am
Weasel too
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And a tie-dyed, dayglo souvenir 
              E       E7     Am
shirt from Six Flags Over Burbank

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[VERSE 2]

         Am                        
Well the doorbell rang all morning 
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and all through the afternoon
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I shook with fright as it rang all 
night
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To the light of the Master Card moon
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There was Parcel Post in the pantry
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UPS in the hall
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C.O.D. to the ceiling, and I 
          E7         Am
just couldn't pay for it all

[CHORUS 2]

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I got the egg scrambler, with a 
 E           E7       Am
Seal-a-Meal carrying case
  Am
A set of presidential commemorative 
plates
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So I could eat my eggs off the 
E7
President's face
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A Minute Mender, and a needle 
          E7           Am
that'll knit or crochet
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And an autographed photograph of Rin
Am
 Tin Tin
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At Six Flags Over Burbank

[VERSE 3]

  Am                             
I remembered I was dreaming, so I 
                    E  E7
gave a mighty cheer
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When I awoke, it was no joke, 
   E        E7       Am
'cause all that shit was here
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So if you fall asleep with the TV 
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on, let me tell you what to do:
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Rip the telephone out of the wall
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 unless you want it to happen to you

[CHORUS 3]
            Am                
You get the Vegematic, and the 
 E      E7        Am
Pocket Fisherman too
Am          C           Am
Illuminated illustrated history of 
life
    E                    E7
And Boxcar Willie with a Ginzu knife
  Am                    E         
A bamboo steamer, and a smokeless 
E7      Am
ashtray too
       Am     C          Am      
And an all expenses paid weekend 
             E       E7     A
for three at Six Flags Over Burbank