Vegematic

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Fell asleep last night with the TV on
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Oh, what a dream I had
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I dreamed I went and answered every single one
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Of those late night mail order ads
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And four to six weeks later, much to my surprise
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The mailman came to my front door
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And I couldn't believe my eyes

[CHORUS 1]
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When he brought the Vegematic
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And the Pocket Fisherman too
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Illuminated illustrated history of life
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Boxcar Willie with a Ginzu knife
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A bamboo steamer, and a Garden Weasel too
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And a tie-dyed, dayglo souvenir shirt from Six Flags Over Burbank

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[VERSE 2]

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Well the doorbell rang all morning and all through the afternoon
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I shook with fright as it rang all night
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To the light of the Master Card moon
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There was Parcel Post in the pantry
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UPS in the hall
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C.O.D. to the ceiling, and I just couldn't pay for it all

[CHORUS 2]

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I got the egg scrambler, with a Seal-a-Meal carrying case
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A set of presidential commemorative plates
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So I could eat my eggs off the President's face
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A Minute Mender, and a needle that'll knit or crochet
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And an autographed photograph of Rin Tin Tin
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At Six Flags Over Burbank

[VERSE 3]

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I remembered I was dreaming, so I gave a mighty cheer
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When I awoke, it was no joke, 'cause all that shit was here
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So if you fall asleep with the TV on, let me tell you what to do:
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Rip the telephone out of the wall unless you want it to happen to you

[CHORUS 3]
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You get the Vegematic, and the Pocket Fisherman too
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Illuminated illustrated history of life
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And Boxcar Willie with a Ginzu knife
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A bamboo steamer, and a smokeless ashtray too
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And an all expenses paid weekend for three at Six Flags Over Burbank