Christmas Unicorn

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I'm a Christmas Unicorn, in a 
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uniform made of gold
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With a billy-goat beard, and a 
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sorcerer's shield, and mistletoe 
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on my nose

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Oh, I'm a Christian holiday, I'm a
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 symbol of original sin
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I've a pagan tree, and a magical 
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wreath, and bow-tie on my chin

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Oh, I'm a pagan heresy, I'm a 
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tragical Catholic shrine
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I'm a little bit shy, with a lazy 
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eye, and a penchant for sublime

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Oh, I'm a mystical apostasy, I'm a
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 horse with a fantasy twist
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Though I play all night, with my 
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magical kite, people say I don't 
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exist

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For I make no full apology for the
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 category I reside
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I'm a mythical mess, with a 
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treasury chest, I'm a construct of 
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your mind

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Oh, I'm hysterically American, 
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I've a credit card on my wrist
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And I have no home, or a field to 
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roam, I will curse you with my kiss

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Oh, I'm a criminal pathology with 
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a history of medical care
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I'm a frantic shopper, and a brave
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 pill popper, and they say my kind 
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are rare

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But I've seen others in the 
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uniform of a unicorn just like me
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We are legions wide, and we choose
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 no sides, we are masters of 
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mystique

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For you're a Christmas Unicorn, I 
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have seen you on the beat
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You may dress in the human 
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uniform, child... But I know you're
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 just like me