The Ascension

When I am dead
And the light leaves my breast
Nothing to be told
Nothing to confess

Let the record show
What I couldn’t quite confess
For by living for myself
I was living for unrest

Then the evidence came back
In a chariot of vindication
Something to behold
Glorious in its path

But the prophecy fell back
As it gave to me an invitation
Show them what is right
Show them what is blessed

But now it strikes me
Far too late again
That I was asking far too much
Of everyone around me

And now it strikes me
Far too late again
That I should answer for myself
As the Ascension falls upon me

So what should be said
Of a life that leaves its mess?
For once your life was sold
It could never be possessed

You were selfishly as a continent
You were finally at your best
For you favored for yourself
When selfishness was blessed

Then Cordelia came back
In a chariot hallucination
Something to rejoice
Glorious in its wrath

But the prophecy was a pantomime
As came to me in accusation
Show them what is right
Show them what is best

But now it strikes me
Far too late again
That I was asking far too much
Of everyone around me

And now it strikes me
Far too late again
That I should answer for myself
As the Ascension falls upon me

And now it frightens me
The thought against my chest
To think I was asking for a reason
Explaining why everything’s a total mess

And now it frightens me
The dreams dreams that I possess
To think I was acting like a believer
When I was just angry and depressed

And to everything
There is no meaning
A season of pain
And hopelessness

I shouldn’t have looked
For revelation
I should have resigned
Myself to this

I thought I could change the world around me
I thought I could change the world for best
I thought I was called in convocation
I thought I was sanctified and blessed

But now it strengthens me
To know the truth at last
That everything comes
From consummation

And everything comes
With consequence
And I did it all with exultation
While you did it all

With hopelessness
Yes I did it all with adoration
While you killed it off
With all of your holy mess

What now? What now?
What now? What now?