Retrospect

I’m so sorry for how I was
I know I was a lot to handle
But when you’ve been broken like I have
It’s hard to trust in love
Is the thought of me stuck in your head?
Or am I just a memory?
Faded to the back of your mind
Never to be seen
I’m writing this song here while I’m empty
It’s the only time I can
Because my bottle is the same
It’s hard to put into words
How I feel these days
It’s hard to imagine this could change
Oh how I wish, oh how I wish you’d stay

I just want to feel the beating of your chest against my head again
When I fall asleep, frayed and bleak
I miss the way you held me close
I’m finding it hard to cope without you
I’m sorry I had to be this way
I couldn’t help it, I’m not okay
I’d rather die than watch you walk away

I’m finding it hard to focus
The closest I get to you is in my dreams
But I no longer sleep
The nights turn into mourning
My mind is my own hell
But you gave me strength to love myself
And I admit I need your help

I just want to feel the beating of your chest against my head again
When I fall asleep, frayed and bleak
I miss the way you held me close
I’m finding it hard to cope without you
I’m sorry I had to be this way
I couldn’t help it, I’m not okay
I’d rather die than watch you walk away

I can see that you don’t love me
It’s no longer hard to tell
But all these chemicals in my brain
They just don’t work that well
I can’t argue that you’re leaving
I don’t even like myself
So if I ever happen to drift off
I hope I don’t wake up