Disciple

Everything will fade to grey
Nothing’s sticking in my head, anyway
As I lay in sheer dismay
Of the world I’ve built for myself day after day it’s
Not unreasonable to be so miserably when
Everything I’ve done has landed me this way
Silent overdrive of all my thoughts inside, I
I wanna shout out, but I don’t know what to say

I know you wanna hear I’m fine
But that’s just not the truth this time
You treat my sorrow like a crime
But I’m tired of trying, tired of dying
They say these things are meant to be
But all I know is misery
I’m showing you the best of me
But I’m tired of trying, tired of lying to you

While I etch my life in stone
With a fist full of sand to bury all I’ve known
Drink the sweat and tears off all my dreams and all my fears
And as it all comes down (and down, and down, and down)
Everything has come apart, Now I’m back here at the start
And though I’m promised it gets better, I’ve made failure an art
Why do you put up with my tries, They might as well have all been lies
With all the shit in which I thrive, It’s a wonder I’m alive!

I know you wanna hear I’m fine
But that’s just not the truth this time
You treat my sorrow like a crime
But I’m tired of trying, tired of dying
They say these things are meant to be
But all I know is misery
I’m showing you the best of me
But I’m tired of trying, tired of lying to you

Every time I close my eyes, I see all that i despise
every memory of mine that has worn me over time
Crushing every dream I know, let the vines begin to grow
Overtaking all I see, like a toxic melody
I am not your new messiah I will never take you higher
Don’t you put your trust in me If you ever want to see
I will simply put it in you, all the hate that I have been through
Keep away, or you’ll stay, and your life will rot away