The Common Cold

I am a hacking cough
That tickle in your throat
I'm an unmade bed in Mexico
You will catch my cough, you will catch my cold
Hey, no one needs to know
Just put me in your mouth
No snail trails have blackened
It's like it never happened
I won't be henpecked
There's still so many left to infect

I've done so many bad things
I never seem to get clean
No pecking order please
I've done too many bad things

Come get it help yourself
Come see it for yourself
We're raising glasses high, dirty as all hell
In sickness and health, in sickness and health
So would you drink after me?
I've been a good boy, I'm squeaky clean
A pretty please in the motel and it's snails without shells
In sickness and health, in sickness and health

So don't be so alarmed
You're being harvested and farmed
Every time I continue to breathe
You wipe your nose on my sleeve
Every time I don't drive off a cliff
Every time I don't chop off my lips
You'll be taken to swallowing pennies
For the apocalypse that's surely coming

Come get it, help yourself
Come see it for yourself
We're shaking rubber gloves up to the shelves in hell
In sickness and health, in sickness and health
So would you sleep where I sleep?
Here with the bed bugs and bad beliefs
I don't mean to make it seem
Like we're salmon upstream
But are you afraid of me?