Bloodguilt

But it's a troublesome thought trying to
Reconcile the differences between my actions and
What I claim to believe
Between my actions and what I believe

I can't seem to escape the fear of never being good enough
My vices only weigh me down
Like an anchor fixed deep in hell
I've traversed the wastelands that judgment brings
I was born with blood on my head
And I've been drowning in it ever since

Some would call it spoiled conviction
But all I know is that I'm depressed
A victim of self-defeat with a lot of regret

It's not as easy as it seemed once before to simply
Maintain my innocence

This familiar misery
Overwhelmed by catastrophe
Has left no place for peace

No relief, no reprieve, no release
No comfort
Can console me now
A reminder that I'm lost and abandoned

Was I forgotten about?
I'm sick of unanswered questions

I've grown exhausted
From repetitious failure

Will I always lack the discipline to
Guard myself and withstand temptation?

Guilty conscience, strip me bare
I'll beat myself up until there isn't a will to live
Righteously
Repentance is absent
Because I'm too busy letting the devil get the best of me

So I welcomed a heavy heart
From the burden of the sins I never thought You forgave

Misunderstanding caused a fear of mistakes