Perineum Millenium - The In Between Years

Tim Minchin

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    Rust
    Crawls down the side of my water tank life
    Cuts like a knife
    Sluts like my wife
    And you'd like her too
    People usually do

    Puss
    Seeps from the seams of our festering souls
    Mostly just dripping
    Ghostly and gripping
    Slipping
    Slipping

    And if only I knew
    And if only I had the questions
    And the moment to ask
    If only I had the shoes in which to dance
    To take a chance to free myself
    Enough to paint a portrait
    Of my paternal grandma
    Nude in public
    Rude and pubic
    Rubix, Cubic

    Sex
    Resides in the core of my labyrinth mind
    Masturbating minotaur
    Saucy and sinister
    Half man, half bullock
    Large swollen bollocks
    Mostly just swinging
    Itchy and stinging
    Stinging

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    And there will be times, there will be times
    When sunset falls
    Like a wingless bird
    Never to sing again
    Never to wing again
    There was an old man called Michael Finnegan
    He grew whiskers
    Like magical Mr Mistoffelees

    In the room the women come and go
    Talking of contract law and weightloss shows
    But if only they knew
    And if only they could see the light
    If only they could watch me try to write
    The songs I long to write
    And right the wrongs I thought I might
    I mixed my colours with my whites
    I now fight the tie-dye fight
    In mighty tight trousers
    And really big shoes
    And nothing to lose
    But my stiffy

    I grow old
    I grow scared
    I shall wear my pre-worn trousers flared
    And while the shadow may lie
    Between ideas and facts
    One can lyrically wax
    The more interesting gaps
    Like the soft bit that sits
    Twixt your arseholes and sacks
    We're living in the
    Perineum Millennium
    The in between years
    Not front bum or back bum
    Not fiction or factum
    Nor ideas nor reality
    Not the shadow nor the hollow
    Not a bosom for a pillow
    Not Dante's big whinge
    About cruising round Hades
    The Perineum is yummy
    As taties and gravy
    It's quite big on the boys
    But just small on the ladies
    And can break all together
    When the ladies have babies
    And still we insist
    On being brisk with the topic
    In the fear the affair will turn
    Colonoscopic
    And we all know what Sigmund
    Would say about that
    As you lie on your back
    Etherised on a table
    Like the fabled evening
    Spread out against the sky
    Let us go then, you and I…
    Fuck that, Freud you perverted
    Viennese prat
    Just 'cause you're a crack pot
    Just 'cause you wacked off lots
    As a little tacker
    Your little pre-genius eyeball
    Glued to the keyhole
    When your mum's in the loo
    And you, aged just 2
    Sneaking a good ol' peep
    At certain half-deserted streets
    The fluttering retreats
    Of your ma's meat Venetians
    As she bent over the bath
    Your future stared back
    Like a glittering path
    Gilded with that golden guilt
    Upon which you built
    Your Oedipal empire

    But always you searched
    For the soft bit unseen
    Like text beneath the pages
    Or the years between
    The anal and genital phases
    The perrenial quest
    Life's only true task
    The only real test
    We humans must pass
    Begins at the testes
    And ends at the arse

    This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends
    This is the way the world ends
    Not with a full stop
    But a colon

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