The Good Book

Bb                                   F
Life is like an ocean voyage and our bodies are the ships
C                                    A            Dm    Dm/C
And without a moral compass we would all be cast adrift
      Bb                           F
So to keep us on our bearings, the Lord gave us a gift
C7                                    C
And like most gifts you get, it was a book

  F                              Bb
I only read one book, but it's a good book, don't you know
  C7                                                F
I act the way I act because the Good Book tells me so
     F               F7/Eb            Bb/D             Bbm/D
If I wanna known how to be good, it's to the Good Book that I go
         C7                            F
'Cos the Good Book is a book and it is good and it's a book
  F                                     Bb
I know the Good Book's good because the Good Book says it's good
            C7                                  F
I know the Good Book knows it's good because a really good book would
              F              F7            Bb               Bbm
You wouldn't cook without a cookbook and I think it's understood
              C7                                 F
You can't be good without a Good Book 'cos it's good and it's a book
And it is good for cookin'

Dm                                      A
I tried to read some other books, but I soon gave up on that
    Bb                                 F              C
The paragraphs ain't numbered and they complicate the facts
  A                                    Dm
I can't read Harry Potter 'cos they're worshipping false gods and that
    G                                 C
And Dumbledore's a poofter and that's bad, 'cos it's not good
   Dm                         A
Morality is written there in simple white and black
       Bb                              F               C
I feel sorry for you heathens, got to think about all that
 A                               Dm
Good is good and evil's bad and goats are good and pigs are crap
       Bb                              F
You'll find which one is which in the Good Book, 'cos it's good

And it's a book, and it's a book
  Dm                             A
I had a cat, she gave birth to a litter
    Bb                              F              C
The kittens were adorable and they made my family laugh
    A                              Dm
But as they grew they started misbehavin'
       G                               C
So I drowned the little fuckers in the bath
           A                                Dm
When the creatures in your care start being menaces
    G                                   C
The answers can be found right there in Genesis!
C7
Genesis, Chapter 6, Verse 5-7!

G
Swing your partner by the hand
C
Have a baby if you can
D
But if the voices your head
Say to sacrifice your kid
G
To satiate your loving God's
C
Fetish for dead baby blood
D
It's simple faith, the Book demands
So raise that knife up in your hand!

  F                                          Bb
Before the Good Book made us good, there was no good way to know
     C                                   F
If a thing was good or not that good or kind of touch and go
   F              F7             Bb         Bbm
So God decided he'd give writing allegoric prose a go
    C7                                             F
And so he wrote a book and it was generally well-received

    Bb                               F              C
The Telegraph said, "This God is reminiscent of the Norse."
    Bb                                 F                  C
The Times said, "Kind of turgid, but I liked the bit with horses."
    A                                Dm
The Mail said, "Lots of massacres, a violent tour de force
       G                                  C
If you only read one book this year, then this one is a book
          D
And it is good, and it's a book!"


  G
Swing your daughter by the hand
    C
But if she gets raped by a man
     D
And refuses then to marry him
Stone her to death!

   Em                                      B
If you just close your eyes and block your ears
         C                          G                 D
To the accumulated knowledge of the last two thousand years
     B                                   Em
Then morally, guess what? You're off the hook
          A                                D
And thank Christ you only have to read one book



Dm
Just because the book's contents
     A
Were written generations hence
Dm
By hairy desert-dwelling gents
A
Squatting in their dusty tents
Em
Just because what Heaven said
B
Was said before they'd leavened bread
Em
Just 'cos Jesus couldn't read
B
Doesn't mean that we should need
C
When manipulating human genes
G
To alleviate pain and fight disease
C
When deciding whether it's wrong or right
G
To help the dyin' let go of life
D
Or stop a pregnancy when it's
Just a tiny blastocyst

B                                      Em
There's no reason why we should take a look
D            C
At any other book
G/B
But the Good Book
A
'Cause it's good
And it's a book
D
And it's a book
And it's quite good!

G                G7/F
Good is good and evil's bad
C/E                      Cm/E
And kids get killed when God gets mad
D                       G         D G
And you'd better take a good look