Internal Torment

I knew that I was saved
But I constantly felt
A disconnection, a hollow whole
A sinner's life that I embraced
Walking on my own path
Instead of the Way of God
Weakened state of being I fell
Into the abyss of sex and porn
The cyber net and all its trappings
Pictures danced on the screen
But the light of God shone through
Exposing my hypocrisy

Hiding behind: Once saved, always saved
Satisfying my selfish urges
Perverse sexual acts I played out
Abomination of all that is holy
Christ will never forsake me
It was I who forsook Him
Shame now envelopes me
Forgive me oh Lord forgive
My conscience is tortured

All the guilt
Wears me down
Throughout me
Self Hatred
Will I see
God's glory
Will I fall
Into Hell
All the guilt
Wears me down
Throughout me
Self hatred
Calling on
God's mercy
Save this lost
Soul I beg
Fighting myself I loose
Battle within
Raging inside my soul
Begging to be set free