Kevin Bacon

Gatesy: Okay, there was Footloose, 
Pauline Hanson in gaol, alpacas, 
pickles,
        T-shirts with stupid phrases
 on them...
Scod:   Specifically, \"Kiss Me Then
 Pork Me\".
Gatesy: Yeah, that's the one. And 
it's sort of a Beach Boys thing... 
more
        from the \"pet sounds\" 
era...
Yon:    Less than the \"surf's 
up\"... well, I dunno, \"surf's up\"
 is later...
        let's not get bogged down in
 Beach Boys history.
Gatesy: And there's a little bit of 
Beastie Boys in there too.


G       G                        
Tripod: If it is true that 
       Am             E
there's just six degrees of near,
        F      C    D
        Why am I so lonely?
        G                        
        I drift from town to town
Am       E
 nomadically.
        F      C                D
Gatesy: Nobody wants me, 'cause fame
 is so fickle,
           F             C
        If this town's a burger,
             D (let ring)
Tripod: Then I am the pickle.

Scod:   It's about Kevin Bacon, by 
the way.
                D               G
Yon:    'Cause I get thrown out of 
the town,
G & S:          Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo 
ooo ooo oooh...
        D                       G
Yon:    Like the burger, you know, 
sliding down the... I'll leave that.
G & S:  Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo 
oooh...

        C                 D
Tripod: Such a shame that I got 
arrested,
        G               G7
Gatesy: For wearing an obscene 
T-shirt.
        C                 D
        All it said was, \"Kiss Me 
Then Pork Me\",
        G                   G7
        It's just 'cause my name 
is...
                  C     D
Tripod: ... Kevin Baco___n,
              Em     C
        Kevin Baco____n.
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        It's a joke I'm 
C         D                     G
maki_______n'...
Gatesy: Bacon - pork... get it?

        G                          
Tripod: But they didn't get it and 
    Am              E
I'm sittin' here in gaol,
        F         C         
        Doin' the hand-spider 
  D
movement.

Yon:    People who weren't at this 
gig will never get this joke... get 
over it.
      G                        
Tripod: I had to bunk up with a 
 Am         E
former politician,
        F          C         
Gatesy: I use that term rather 
  D
liberally.
        F            C           
        Then Pauline busted some 
D
rhymes for me.

Gatesy: (Rapping) You feelin' like 
you failed,
        Now ya sittin' in gaol,
        The only thing you have for 
a toilet is a pail.

        But Kevin, stop dancin'
        And listen to me, I'm 
Pauline Hanson,
        I'll get ya out of here, 
gotta listen to my plan, son.

Yon:    (Normally) Okay, so now she 
starts talking. Okay, so what there 
is is, right...
Gatesy: Why have you stopped bustin'
 out the rhymes, man?
Yon:    'Cause there's a lot of 
information in this next bit and I 
think it'll be a
        bit clearer if I...
Gatesy: Okay, before you tell me 
that, can I just do another chorus?
Yon:    Yeah.
              C   D
Tripod: Kevin Bacon,
              Em  C
        Kevin Bacon.
                        C   D     
        It's a joke I'm makin'...
              G

Gatesy: Get it?

Yon:    No, no, I don't get it. Are 
you making fun of me?
Gatesy: No, no, I'm not making fun 
of you, Pauline.
Yon:    'Cause... 'cause I know what
 xenophobia is - it's making fun of 
the Chinese.
Gatesy: No!

        Pauline... Pauline, tell me 
about that plan.
Yon:    Oh, yeah...
Gatesy: About escaping, yeah?
Yon:    Yeah. Okay, so there's an 
alpaca, right? You know, you 
probably see him
        around - the gaol alpaca.
Gatesy: Oh, the gaol alpaca!
Yon:    And I reckon if you can get 
him up to about 70 miles per hour, I
 reckon
        you can clear that fence.
        You know, Steve 
McQueen-like.
Gatesy: Cool. Fantastic.
Yon:    That's basically it.
        G                       
Tripod: So I jumped on the thing 
      Am                 E
that looked just like a camel,
        F            C         D
        Mixed with a deer or a pony.
        G                      Am 
        I rode off into the sunset
           E
 with my alpaca,
        F        C       D
        I was no longer alone-y.
        D                          
        Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo
 G
 oooh...
        D                          
        Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo
 G
 oooh...
        C                      D
        It's such a shame that I got
 arrested,
        G              Em
        For wearing an obscene 
T-shirt.
        Em                D
        All it said was, \"Kiss Me 
Then Pork Me\",
        G
Gatesy: It's just 'cause my name 
is...
                   C   D
Tripod:  ... Kevin Bacon,
                Em  C
        I'm not fakin',
                     C      D
Gatesy: I'm making a statemen',
                  G     G G G C 
        I'm Kevin Bacon!
 C  G