Delaneys Donkey

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Now, Delaney had a donkey that everyone admired
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Temporarily lazy and permanently tired
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A leg at every corner balancing his head
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And a tail to let you know which end he wanted to be fed.
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Riley, slyly said "we've underrated it
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Why not train it?" then they took a rag
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They rubbed it, scrubbed it, they oiled and embrocated it
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Got it at the post and when the starter dropped the flag:
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There was Riley pushing it, shoving it, shushing it
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Hogan, Logan and everyone in town
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Lined up attacking it, n'shoving it and smacking it
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They might as well a'tried to push the Town Hall down.
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The donkey was eyeing them, openly defying them
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Winking, blinking and twisting out of place,
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Riley reversing it, everybody cursing it
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The day Delaney's donkey ran the half mile race.
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The muscles of the mighty never known to flinch
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They couldn't move the donkey a quarter of an inch
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Delaney lay exhausted hanging 'round his throat
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With a grip just like a Scotsman on a five pound note.
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Starter Carter, he lined it with the rest of 'em
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When it saw them it was willing then
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It raced up, braced up, ready for the best of 'em
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They started off to cheer it but it changed it's mind again!
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And there was Riley pushing it, shoving it, shushing it
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Hogan, Logan and Mary-Ann McGrath
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She started poking it and grabbing it and choking it
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It kicked her in the bustle and it laughed hee-haw!
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The Whigs and Conservatives, the Radical Superlatives
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Liberals and Tories they hurried to the place
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Stood there in unity, helping the community
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The day Delaney's donkey ran the half mile race.
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The crowd began to cheer it and Rafferty the judge
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He came up to assist 'em but still it wouldn't budge
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And the jockey who was riding it, little John McGee
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Was so thoroughly disgusted that he went and had his tea!
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Hagan, Fagan were students of psychology
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Swore they'd shift him with some dynamite
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They bought it, brought it, and without apology
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The donkey gave a sneeze and blew the whole lot outa sight.
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And there was Riley pushing it, shoving it, shushing it
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Hogan, Logan and all the bally crew
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Police and Auxiliary, the Garrison Artillery
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The Second Enniskillen's and the Life Guards too.
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They seized it n'harried it, they picked it up and carried it
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Cheered it, steered it to the winning place.
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Then the bookmaker's drew aside, and they all committed suicide
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The day Delaney's donkey won the half mile race!