Delaneys Donkey

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Now, Delaney had a donkey that 
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everyone admired
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Temporarily lazy and permanently 
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tired
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A leg at every corner balancing 
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his head
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And a tail to let you know which 
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end he wanted to be fed.
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Riley, slyly said "we've underrated 
it
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Why not train it?" then they took
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 a rag
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They rubbed it, scrubbed it, they 
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oiled and embrocated it
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Got it at the post and when the 
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starter dropped the flag:
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There was Riley pushing it, 
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shoving it, shushing it
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Hogan, Logan and everyone in town
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Lined up attacking it, n'shoving
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 it and smacking it
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They might as well a'tried to push
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 the Town Hall down.
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The donkey was eyeing them, 
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openly defying them
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Winking, blinking and twisting out
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 of place,
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Riley reversing it, everybody 
cursing it
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The day Delaney's donkey ran the 
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half mile race.
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The muscles of the mighty never 
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known to flinch
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They couldn't move the donkey a 
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quarter of an inch
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Delaney lay exhausted hanging 
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'round his throat
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With a grip just like a Scotsman 
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on a five pound note.
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Starter Carter, he lined it with 
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the rest of 'em
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When it saw them it was willing then
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It raced up, braced up, ready for
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 the best of 'em
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They started off to cheer it but it
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 changed it's mind again!
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And there was Riley pushing it, 
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shoving it, shushing it
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Hogan, Logan and Mary-Ann McGrath
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She started poking it and 
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grabbing it and choking it
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It kicked her in the bustle and it 
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laughed hee-haw!
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The Whigs and Conservatives, the 
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Radical Superlatives
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Liberals and Tories they hurried 
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to the place
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Stood there in unity, helping the 
community
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The day Delaney's donkey ran the 
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half mile race.
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The crowd began to cheer it and 
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Rafferty the judge
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He came up to assist 'em but still
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 it wouldn't budge
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And the jockey who was riding it, 
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little John McGee
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Was so thoroughly disgusted that 
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he went and had his tea!
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Hagan, Fagan were students of 
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psychology
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Swore they'd shift him with some 
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dynamite
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They bought it, brought it, and 
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without apology
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The donkey gave a sneeze and blew 
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the whole lot outa sight.
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And there was Riley pushing it, 
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shoving it, shushing it
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Hogan, Logan and all the bally crew
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Police and Auxiliary, the 
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Garrison Artillery
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The Second Enniskillen's and the 
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Life Guards too.
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They seized it n'harried it, they 
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picked it up and carried it
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Cheered it, steered it to the 
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winning place.
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Then the bookmaker's drew aside, 
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and they all committed suicide
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The day Delaney's donkey won the 
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half mile race!