Constipated

F#m      E            F#m
Uh Huh, extra cheese,    uh huh, oh 
huh, save a piece for me.


[Verse 1]
A                           F#m
Pizza party at your house.  I went 
just to check it out.
D                      E
Nineteen extra larges, what a shame.
  No one came!
A                          F#m
Just us eatin' all alone.  You said,
 "Take the pizza home."
D                         E
No sense lettin' all this go to 
waste, so then I faced!
D                            F#m
Pizza all day and every day, cheese 
round the clock, it's getting me 
blocked.
       D                 
And I sure don't care for 
           E
irregularity.  Tell me!


[Verse 2]
F#m                           D  
Why'd ya have to go and make me 
         E
so constipated.
                       F#m         
Cause right now I'd do anything to 
             D           E
just get my bowels evacuated in the 
bathroom.
F#m                      D       
I sit and I wait, and I strain, 
     A                        E
and I sweat, and I clench, and I 
feel the pain, oh
Bm                                
Should I take a laxative or have 
             E
my colon irrigated?
        A
No, no, no.


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[Verse 3]
A                           F#m
I was feeling pretty down, ‘til my 
girlfriend came around.
D                      E
We're just so alike in every way, I 
gotta say.
A                               
In fact, I just thought I might pop 
F#m
the question there that night.
D                    E
I was kissin' her so tenderly, but 
woe is me!
D                      F#m
Who would have guessed her family 
crest
       D                           
And suddenly spied tattooed on her 
 E
thigh
    D                              
And son of a gun it’s just like the
        E
 one on me, tell me!


[Verse 4]
F#m                              
How was I supposed to know that 
D               E
we were both related, believe me.
     F#m                      
If I knew she was my cousin we 
  D                       E
never, never would have dated, What 
to do now?
F#m                          D   
Should I go ahead and propose and
          A                    
 get hitched and have kids with 
        E
eleven toes and
Bm                                
Move to Alabama where that kind of
              E               A
 thing is tolerated?  No, no, no.


[Verse 5]
A                          F#m
I had so much on my mind.  I thought
 maybe I'd unwind
D                       E
Try out that new roller coaster 
ride, and the guide
F#m                    D    
Said not to stand but that's a 
                A                  
demand that I couldn't meet.  I got
 E
 on my feet
    Bm                             
And stood up instead, knocked off 
            E
my head, you see.  Tell me!


[Verse 6]
F#m                           D  
Why'd I have to go and get myself
        E
 decapitated.
                 F#m  
This really is a major 
                    D             
inconvenience, Oh man, I really hate
E
 it.  Such a drag now!
F#m                    D     
I can't eat, I can't breathe, I 
                         A         
can't snore, I can't belch or yodel
     E
 anymore
      Bm                           
Can't spit or blow my nose or even 
                 E
read sports illustrated.  Oh, NO!


[Verse 7]
F#m                         D    
Why'd I have to go and get myself
          E
 all mutilated?
                F#m                
I gotta tell ya life without a head
        D            E
 kinda makes me irritated.  What a 
bummer!
F#m                     D    
I can't blink, I can't cough, I 
                         A         
can't sneeze, but my neck is 
        E
enjoin' a pleasant breeze now
Bm                                
Haven't been the same since my 
                  E              
head and I were separated.  No, no, 
F#m
no.