Skipper Dan

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I starred in every high school play
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Blew every drama teacher away
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Graduated first in my class at Julliard
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Took every acting workshop I could
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And I dreamed of Hollywood
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While I read my Uta Hagen, and studied the Bard
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Hit the boards and paid my dues
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And got phenomenal rave reviews
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I knew the world was gonna love me, without a doubt
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I was sure that Tarantino would be calling me on my phone
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Annie Liebowitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone
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But the years have come and gone and I'm sorry to say
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That's not the way that it's all worked out

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I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
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Skipper Dan is the name
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And I'm doing 34 shows every day
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And every time it's the same
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Look at those hippos, they're wiggling their ears
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Just like they've done for the last 50 years
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Now I'm laughing at my own jokes, but I'm crying inside
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'Cause I'm working on the Jungle Cruise ride

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Oh the critics they used to say, I was the new Olivier
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Thought I'd be the toast of Sundance, or maybe Cannes
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Ah, but don't bother trying to IMDB me
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The only place you might possibly see me
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Is riding my little boat around Adventureland
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It ain't exactly what I planned but

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I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
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Skipper Dan is the name
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And I'm doing 34 shows every day
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And every time it's the same
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I would've killed if I'd been in Speed-the-Plow
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But what's the difference that's all behind me now
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'Cause I'm paying the rent and I'm swallowing my pride
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And I'm working on the Jungle Cruise ride

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I should be there on Broadway,
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Knocking 'em dead in 12 Angry Men
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But instead I'm here telling these lame jokes
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Again, and again, and again, and again,
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And again, and again, and again

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I should've listened when my Grandfather said
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Why don't you major in business instead?
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Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died
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And I'll probably work forever as a
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Tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
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Skipper Dan is the name
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And I'm doing 34 shows every day
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And every time it's the same
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Look at those hippos, they're wiggling their ears
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Somebody shoot me 'cause I'm bored to tears
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Always said I'd be famous, I guess that I lied
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'Cause I'm working on the Jungle Cruise ride
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I'm still working on the Jungle Cruise ride