Word Crimes

C E7 Am Fadd9

Everybody shut up! (woo!)

Everyone listen up!
          C
Hey, hey, hey
          E7
Hey, hey, hey
          Am   Fadd9
Hey, hey, hey


[Verse 1]
C
If you can't write
E7
In the proper way
Am
If you don't know
Fadd9
How to conjugate
C
Maybe you flunked that class
E7
And maybe now you find
Am                    Fadd9
That people mock you online

(Everybody wise up!)


[Pre-Chorus 1]
C
Okay, now here's the deal
E7
I'll try to educate ya
Am
Gonna familiarize
Fadd9
You with the nomenclature
C
You'll learn the definitions
E7
Of nouns and prepositions
Am
Literacy's your mission
Fadd9
And that's why I think it's a


[Chorus]
C
Good time
E7
To learn some grammar
Am
Now, did I stammer
Fadd9
Work on that grammar
           C
You should know when
E7
It's "less" or it's "fewer"
Am
Like people who were
Fadd9
Never raised in a sewer

             C
I hate these word crimes
E7
Like "I could care less" (Hey, Hey, 
Hey!)
Am
That means you C  care
Fadd9
At least a little
           C
Don't be a moron
Am
You'd better slow down
E7
And use the right pronoun
Continues after the ad
Remove ads
Fadd9
Show the world you're no clown


[Verse 2]
C
Say you've got an "it"
E7
Followed by apostrophe "s"
Am
Now, what does that mean?
Fadd9
You would not use "it’s" in this 
case
C
As a possessive (no, no, no!)
E7
It's a contraction (yeah, yeah, 
yeah!)
Am
What's a contraction?
Fadd9
Well, it's the shortening of a word 
or a group of words

By omission of a sound or letter


[Pre-Chorus 2]
C
Okay, now here are some notes
E7
Syntax you’re always mangling
Am
No X in "espresso"
Fadd9
Your participle's danglin'
C
But I don't want your drama
E7
If you really wanna
Am                     Fadd9
Leave out that Oxford comma


[Chorus]
                       C
Just keep in mind that "be", "see", 
"are", "you"
E7
Are words, not letters
Am
Get it together
Fadd9
Use your spell checker
           C
You should never
E7
Write words using numbers
Am
Unless you're seven
Fadd9
Or your name is Prince

             C
I hate these word crimes (I hate 
them crimes)
E7
You really need a (I hate them 
crimes)
Am
Full-time proofreader (I mean those 
crimes)
Fadd9
You dumb mouthbreather
                 C
Well, you should hire
E7
Some cunning linguist
Am
To help you distinguish
Fadd9
What is proper English


[Bridge]
C
One thing I ask of you
E7
Time to learn your homophones is 
past due
Am
Learn to diagram a sentence, too
Fadd9
Always say "to whom", don't ever say
 "to who"
C
And listen up when I tell you this
E7
I hope you never use quotation marks
 for emphasis
Am
You finished second grade, I hope 
you can tell
Fadd9
If you're doing good or doing well
C
You'd better figure out the 
difference
E7
Irony is not coincidence
Am
And I thought that you'd gotten it 
through your skull
Fadd9
About what's figurative and what's 
literal
C
Oh, but just now, you said
E7
You "literally couldn't get out of 
bed"
Am
That really makes me want to 
literally
Fadd9
Smack a crowbar upside your stupid 
head


[Chorus]
           C
I read your e-mail
E7
It's quite apparent
Am
Your grammar's errant
Fadd9
You're incoherent
        C
Saw your blog post
E7
It's really fantastic
Am
That was sarcastic (Oh, psych!)
Fadd9
’Cause you write like a spastic

             C
I hate these word crimes
E7
Your prose is dopey
Am
Think you should only
Fadd9
Write in emoji
             C
Oh, you're a lost cause
E7
Go back to pre-school
Am
Get out of the gene pool
Fadd9
Try your best to not drool


[Other]
C           E7
 Never mind, I give up
Am           Fadd9
  Really now, I give up
          C
Hey, hey, hey
          Am
Hey, hey, hey
        E7
Go away!
Fadd9