Gaston

[Gaston:] Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with
The wrong man! No one says no to Gaston!
[LeFou:] Heh heh. Darn right
[Gaston:] Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly Humiliated! Why, it's
More than I can bear
[LeFou:] More beer?
[Gaston:] What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced
[LeFou:] Who, you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself
Together

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston
[LeFou:] No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
[Gaston:] As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating
My what a guy, that Gaston

Give five hurrahs!
Give twelve hip-hips!
[LeFou:] Gaston is the best
And the rest is all drips

No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
[Cronie:] In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston
[Bimbettes:] For there's no one as burly and brawny
[Gaston:] As you see I've got biceps to spare
[LeFou:] Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
[Gaston] (That's right!)
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair

[Cronies:] No one hits like Gaston
[Townsman:] Matches wits like Gaston
[LeFou:] In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
[Gaston:] I'm espcially good at expectorating
(Ptooey!)
Ten points for Gaston!

[Gaston:] When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge

No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
[LeFou:] Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
[Gaston:] I use antlers in all of my decorating

My, what a guy!
Gaston