G                        C            G
Dear Abby, Dear Abby, my feet are too long
G                            A              D
My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong
G                                      C             G
My friends they all tell me, that I've no friends at all
G                                      D         G
Won't you write me a letter, won't you give me a call

C  D     G
Signed Bewildered

Bewildered, Bewildered you have no complaint
You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up buster listen up good
Stop wishin' for bad luck and knockin' on wood

Dear Abby, Dear Abby, my fountain pen leaks
My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks
Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed
If it weren't so expensive I'd wish I were dead
Signed Unhappy

Unhappy, Unhappy, you have no complaint ...
You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up buster listen up good
Stop wishin' for bad luck and knockin' on wood

Dear Abby, Dear Abby, you won't believe this
But my stomach makes noises whenever I kiss
My girlfriend tells me it's all in my head
But my stomach tells me to write you instead
Signed Noisemaker.

Noisemaker, Noisemaker, you have no complaint ...
You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up buster listen up good
Stop wishin' for bad luck and knockin' on wood

Dear Abby, Dear Abby, well I never thought
That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught
We were sittin' in the back seat just shootin' the breeze
With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees
Signed Just Married

Just Married, Just Married, you have no complaint ...
You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up buster listen up good
Stop wishin' for bad luck and knockin' on wood