Amish Paradise

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel things that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thein
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699

We've been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish Paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week,
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek.
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well,
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off
When he's burning in hell.

And I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a tool, you know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool!

If you come to visit you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare,
We're just technologically impaired!

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar,
Not a single luxury.
Like Robinson Crusoe, it's as primitive as can be.

We've been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish Paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish Paradise.
We don't fight we all play nice
Living in an Amish Paradise

Hitching up the buggy
Churning lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday,
Soon I'll raise another
Think you're really righteous,
Think you're pure in heart,
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy that little olmletes wannna be like on meknee
Day and night, scoring points for the after-life!
So don't be vain, and don't be whiney,
Or else my brother I might have to get midevil on your hiney!

We've been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish Paradise
We're all crazy mennonites
Living in an Amish Paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish Paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in an Amish Paradise

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... Yeck!