If I Were A Moose

C  Em  Dm  G

[Verse]
   C                  Em
If I were a moose and you were a cow
Dm                G
Would you love me anyhow?
Dm                     Em
Would you introduce me to your folks
          F                  G
Would you tell your friends, "No 
moose jokes!"
   G        C Am Dm    G        
If I were a moose  and you were 
  C     G
a cow

C                   Em
Would you invite me to your club
    Dm           G
And risk a cruel bovine snub
Dm                           Em
Would you lead me down the receiving
 line
    F                   G
And boldly boast, "This moose is 
mine!"

F          G       C        Am
Would your parents watch us graze
F           G            C      
Shake their heads, "It's just a 
Am
phase"
   Dm         E7        Am     Am7
Or would they thank the stars above
      D                 G
Their precious heifer's found her 
love?

C                       Em
Would your grandparents change their
 will?
Dm                       G
They'd really expected a Holstein 
bull
Dm                    Em
"For this we toiled before the plow
    F                           
You bring home someone who's not 
 G
even a cow

         F       G      C      Am
"There's lots of proper stock around
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          F          G           
Like that nice young Guernsey at 
C      Am
Farmer Brown's
        Dm      E7        Am     
Or that last one   we ridiculed 
   Am7
and cursed
   D                  G
On second thought you could do worse

[Bridge]
E7                     Am
"But if you think this thing will 
last
         F        G       C       
Could he learn to moo and eat our 
Am
grass
F         G       C      Am
 Shed his antlers in the dirt
D7                      G
 Could you persuade him to convert?"

       C             Em
If our anatomies did not quite fit
Dm                 G
Would you make the best of it
Dm               Em
Would you nuzzle up so near
    F                   G
And hum sweet cow tunes in my ear?

F             G     C        Am
 Or would you sadly break it off
     F       G        C           
When all the hillside sneered and 
Am
scoffed
Dm               E7        Am    
 "You know these moose are all 
  Am7
the same
        D                          
They're lazy, they're stupid, they 
G
come from Maine"

C                       Em
It's true things slip a moose's mind
     Dm            G
That cows remember all the time
Dm               Em
Bulbous nose and knobby knees
  F                 G
A coat that harbors ticks and fleas

      F         G    C     Am
But a moose can be a handy thing
     F      G           C    Am
When hungry wolves come visiting
Dm      E7      Am     Am7
 In icy gust of winter storm
    D               G
Our fur is deep and dry and warm

    C                   Em
And someday should your milk run dry
    Dm                G
And farmer stare with baleful eye
   Dm                Em
In dead of night I'd slip your noose
    F                    G
And lead you home to the land of 
moose
   G        C Am Dm    G        
If I were a moose  and you were 
  C   G
a cow

[like bridge]
E7                 Am
If hunters came to do me harm
F          G       C      Am
 Would you hide me in the barn
      F       G         C      Am
Would all the herd come on the run
    D7               G7
And glare until they dropped their 
guns?

[Interlude]
C  Em  Dm  G

[Other]
Dm                 Em
Might you permit a goodnight kiss
F                       G
Could you learn to love wet moose 
lips?
   F G       C    Am F         
If I  were a moose    and you 
      C   Am
were a cow
Dm  G          C Am Dm   G    
 If you were a cow   and I were a 
    C
moose