C                      Dm        Em
I wanna say your're a real good guy
F                             Am
But we'd both know that would be a lie
Dm
It's been a nightmare being your friend
G
So it's time for this charade to end

C                Dm  Em
I can't say goodbye
F                                 Am
'Cause you might grind me down into meat pie
Dm
I'll tell the school that you've got avian flu
    G
So it'll be their job to get rid of you

C                         Dm     Em
I hope they put you into quarantine
F                                 Am
Or lock you up until you turn eighteen
Dm
So maybe then I'll never have to fear
 G
That you might suddenly bite off my ear
 A
(Please don't bite off my ear!)

                Em  F#m
I can't say goodbye
G                                    Bm
My face will be too mangled to identify
Em
If I could get your house repossessed
A
You'd be forced to relocate to your grans in the northwest

F#m                 Bm
I could get you arrested for stealing a car
Em                A
I could get you a job as a miner
F#m                   Bm
I could ship you in a crate to qatar
Em
Or sell you as kebab to a dirty diner
A
(It's not real meat, anyway!)

Bm                           A
I could get your folks to forget you on the freeway
G                        D
Sell you to a freak show on its way to uruguay
Em                          D
I could get you stuck on a fair ground ride (forever)
Em
Send you to a wedding in somewhere-stan
A
With you as the bride
                 Em  F#m
I can't say, goodbye
G                      Bm
But it's no use trying to deny
Em
That I don't wanna be friends with you
G.                   A
So do whatever you have to do