E  C#m7  F#m7  B B7


[Verse]
E                  C#m
The piano has been drinking
   F#m         B     B7
My necktie is asleep
        E                  C#m
And the combo went back to New York
   F#m             B      B7
The jukebox has to take a leak
        E              C#m
And the carpet needs a haircut
        F#m                    B      B7
And the spotlight looks like a prison break
          E                  C#m
Cause the telephone's out of cigarettes
        F#m       B      B7
And the balcony's on the make
        E              C#m
And the piano has been drinking
    F#m            B       B7
The piano has been drinking
        E             C#m
And the menus are all freezing
        F#m                  B      B7
And the light man's blind in one eye
       E                    C#m
And he can't see out of the other
        F#m                 B       B7
And the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid
       E                  C#m
And he showed up with his mother
        F#m            B       B7
And the piano has been drinking
    E              C#m
The piano has been drinking
          F#m          B    B7
Cause the bouncer is a sumo wrestler
E                 C#m
Cream puff Casper milk toast
        F#m        B      B7
And the owner is a mental midget
         E         C#m
With the I.Q. of a fencepost
          F#m            B       B7
Cause the piano has been drinking
    E              C#m
The piano has been drinking
        F#m
And you can't find your waitress
       B      B7
With a geiger counter
        E                  C#m
And she hates you and your friends
             F#m                 B       B7
And you just can't get served without her
        E             C#m
And the box-office is drooling
        F#m               B    B7
And the bar stools are on fire
        E               C#m
And the newspapers were fooling
        F#m            B      B7
And the ash-trays have retired
          E              C#m
Cause the piano has been drinking
    F#m            B       B7
The piano has been drinking
    E              C#m
The piano has been drinking
F#m     B   B7  E       C#m     F#m
Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me
B   B7  E
not me, not me.