Went for a drink at the bar down the road
Watching horses and betting your clothes
You head out the door then to go for a smoke
It hit on the way out and stubbed you your toe
A guy rounds the corner in a fisherman's hat
And he hits ya in the face with a baseball bat

He took one look at you after he stopped to laugh
And he noticed he mistook you got hit on behalf
Of some bastard from the bar who had slept with his wife
You said: I never seen you in my God given life
You stood up and brushed off and felt for your mouth
And your teeth had leapt from you so you spit 'em all out
You took up your pride and you took up the bat
And you went for that shithead, took out his knee caps

You went to the dentist and he winced at your gums
And he said that false teeth were your only option
You said: Go ahead man just take out the rest
Even the good ones are doomed, I'm tired of them
The dentist took pause but said: Seems fine to me
And that's how you got dentures at age thirty-three
You told me this story as you stood by your truck
I said Gary, man, you have the worst of all luck
I always did wonder how your teeth stayed so nice
When the only thing you drink is Pepsi