Oh my God, look at that bald guy over there
He's so bald
His head is so smooth, don't you just wanna touch it
Is that weird?
Am I being bad?
He's gotta be rich
I bet he'd be a really good dad
Oh my God, you have a boyfriend, Beck
I know, but, my boyfriend has hair

Yeah I'm bald, on top
Yeah I'm bald, on top
Bald on my head, number one on the charts
Yeah I'm bald, on top
I'm bald, on top
No I don't got hair but number one in your heart, yeah

Bald, on top
Bal-, bald on my head, number one on the charts
Bald, on top
I'm bald, on top
No I don't got hair but number one in your heart, yeah

1 Trait, balder than ever
My dome is shinin' so bright it's like my platinum records
There was a time, when I had hair on my noggin
It was about the same time that my dick wouldn't function

But now I'm balding, bawling, no more eating the ramen
I'm sitting courtside with Common drinking tea with the Dalai Lama, cause I'm rich
Every single hair that I lost was another stock that I bought
A bottle of stocks that I bought

You try to step
Yeah, you're looking dumb with your long hair
So full and thick, I grab it when I throw you down the stairs
Yeah, cause I'm strong, yo
I'm on that Jason Statham
You've got a thick flow, and probably kids in your basement

I'm with your girl, bro
She oilin' up my head
She said she wishes she was datin' me and you was dead
So take that Rogaine and throw it straight into the trash
Full head of hair, John Stamos, yeah he could kiss my ass

Yeah I'm bald, on top
Yeah I'm bald, on top
Bald on my head, number one on the charts
Yeah I'm bald, on top
I'm bald, on top
No I don't got hair but number one in your heart, yeah

Bald, on top
Bal-, bald on my head, number one on the charts
Bald, on top
I'm bald, on top
No I don't got hair but number one in your heart, yeah

Thinner than ever, feelin' the weather
Smooth like silk for pleasure
Balder than ever
Are you on our side?
Are you an ally?
Are you gonna stand with the bald guys?
They wish they could be us, so they try to spear us
Spoutin' on the news that they fear us

Don't you ever think about changing who you are for someone else
Just be yourself
Yeah, fuck the rest and just be a star
Don't you ever think about changing who you are for someone else
Yeah, fuck the rest and just be a star

Oh, you're sad cause you're bald, little bald man?
Step the fuck up, man
Grow a pair of nuts, man
Time to take the world back, this is our shot
Show 'em that we can't stop
Yeah, cause we're bald, on top

Bald, on top
Yeah I'm bald, on top
Yeah I'm bald, on top
Bald on my head, number one on the charts
Yeah I'm bald, on top
I'm bald, on top
No I don't got hair but number one in your heart, yeah

Bald, on top
Bal-, bald on my head, number one on the charts
Bald, on top
I'm bald, on top
No I don't got hair but number one in your heart, yeah