[The squip]
Take your hands out of your pockets
Arch your back, puff out your chest
Add some swagger to your gate or
You'll look like a mas-tur-ba-tor
Fix your posture, then the rest

[Jeremy]
But I am a masturbator--

[The squip]
We'll fix that
All your nerdiness is ugly

[Jeremy]
Nerd? I thought I was more of a geek, but--

[The squip]
All your stammering's a chore

[Jeremy]
Wh-wh-what?

[The squip]
Your tics and fidgets are persistent
And your charm is non-existent
Fix your vibe, then fix some more
Buh

[Jeremy]
Wha?

[The squip]
Buh

[Jeremy]
Wha?

[The squip]
No

[Jeremy]
Aah!

[The squip]
Stop
Oh, everything about you is so terrible
Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die

[Jeremy]
Jesus Christ

[The squip]
So don't freak out
And don't resist
And have no doubt
If I assist
You will
Be more chill
First thing's first, go buy a new shirt

[Jeremy]
What?! What's wrong with my shirt--

[The squip]
It's better if you just comply
My job's to color your aesthetic
And make you seem much less pathetic
Just step and fetch, don't ask me why

[Jeremy]
How are you with math homework?

[The squip]
I'm a super-computer, jeremy
I'm made of math
Oh, everything about you is so terrible

[People in the mall]
Everything about you sucks!
Everything about you sucks!

[The squip]
Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die

[People in the mall]
Everything about you sucks!
Everything about you sucks!

[The squip & people in the mall]
All the people in the mall
Think you're such a slob

[People in the mall]
You're a slob!
Terrible!
Such a slob!

[The squip]
And boy, can I see why!

Now you try picking a shirt
That's a girl's shirt

[Jeremy]
Sorry

[Chloe]
Jerry?

[Jeremy]
Jeremy

[Chloe]
You shop here?

[Jeremy]
Oh, yeah all the time--

[The squip]
Never

[Jeremy]
Never
Is what I meant to

[The squip]
Greet the beta

[Jeremy]
Oh
Hey, brooke

[The squip]
You look sexy

[Jeremy]
I can't say that to a hot girl!

[The squip]
Don't smile
Stare intensely
Speak like you don't care about your own death

[Jeremy]
Lookin' pretty sexy, brooke

[Brooke]
Thanks

[Chloe]
Is that a girl's shirt?

[Jeremy]
No

[The squip]
Yes

[Jeremy]
Yes

[The squip]
Repeat after me--

I saw it in the window
And I couldn't dismiss

[Jeremy]
I saw it in the window
And I couldn't dismiss

[The squip]
I was dating a girl and
She had a shirt just like this

[Jeremy]
I was dating a girl and
She had a shirt just like this

[The squip]
It's still painful

[Jeremy]
It's still painful

[Chloe]
So, who was this mystery girl?

[Jeremy]
Oh, you've probably never heard of her, so--

[The squip]
Madeline

[Jeremy]
Madeline

[Chloe]
What?

[Jeremy]
She's french

[Chloe]
Ugh! She is not french!
She just pretends to be for attention!

[Brooke]
Madeline broke up with you?

[Jeremy]
Yeah

[The squip]
No

[Jeremy]
I mean--

[The squip]
I broke up with her

[Jeremy]
I broke up with her

[The squip]
'Cause she was
Cheating on me

[Jeremy, overselling it]
'Cause she was
Cheating on me

[The squip]
Hey, Hamlet
Be more chill