Intro  
C                                F             
 I came crawling home last night, like many nights before:
C                                    F              C
 I finally made it to my feet as she opened up the door.
                F                Am          C
And she said, "You're not gonna do this anymore."


Chorus
                C                     F            
She said, "I'm gonna' hire a wino to decorate our home,
                        C                                G
So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't need to roam.
           C                                     F
We'll take out the dining room table, and put a bar along that wall.
                     C                     G                 C
And a neon sign, to point the way, to our bathroom down the hall."


Verse 1
                 C                                F
She said “Just bring your Friday paycheck & I'll cash them all right here
                         C                                        G
And I'll keep on tap for all your friends their favorite kinds of beer.
         C                                     F
And for you, I'll always keep in stock, those soft aluminum cans.
                         C               G                C
And when you're feeling macho, you can crush them like a man."
                  C                               F
She said, "We'll rip out all the carpet, and put sawdust on the floor.
                             C                            G
Serve hard boiled eggs and pretzels, and I won't cook no more.
             C                          F
There'll be Monday night football, on T.V. above the bar.
                        C                   G                       C
And a pay phone in the hallway, when your friends can't find their car."


Chorus
                D                     G            
She said, "I'm gonna' hire a wino to decorate our home,
                        D                                A
So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't need to roam.
           D                                     G
We'll take out the dining room table, and put a bar along that wall.
                     D                     A                 D
And a neon sign, to point the way, to our bathroom down the hall."



Verse 2
            D                                   G
She said, "You'll get friendly service, and for added atmosphere.
                        D                              A
I'll slip on something sexy, and I'll cut it clear to here.
      D                             G
Then you can slap my bottom, every time you tell a joke.
                          D                   A                   D
Just as long as you keep tipping, well, I'll laugh until you're broke."
               D                              G
She said, "Instead of family quarrels, we'll have a bar-room brawl,
                                D                                   A
When the Ham's bear say's its closing time, you won't have far to crawl.
          D                     G
And when you run out of money, you'll have me to thank.
                           D                 A                 D
You can sleep it off next morning, when I'm putting it in the bank."


Chorus
                E                      A            
She said, "I'm gonna' hire a wino, to decorate our home,
                        E                                 B7
So you can feel more at ease here, and you won't have to roam. Then
      E                                           A            
When you and your friends get off from work, and have a powerful thirst.
                    E               B7                  E
There won't be any reason, why you can't stop off here first."

                F#                    B            
She said, "I'm gonna' hire a wino to decorate our home,
                        F#                               C#
So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't need to roam.
           F#                                    B
We'll take out the dining room table, and put a bar along that wall.
                     F#                    C#               F#
And a neon sign, to point the way, to our bathroom down the hall."

                F#                    B            
She said, "I'm gonna' hire a wino to decorate our home,
                        F#                               C#
So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't need to roam.
           F#                                    B
We'll take out the dining room table, and put a bar... (fade out)