D                               D        G           D
As I went home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be
  G
I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be
        D                                           G
Well, I called me wife and I said to her, “Will you kindly tell to me
    D               Bm                      Em     A            D
Who owns that horse outside the door, where my old horse should be?”

[Chorus 1]
            D                                        D         G      D
“Ah, you’re drunk, you’re drunk, you silly old fool, still you cannot see
                             A              D
That’s a lovely sow, that me mother sent to me!“
                                      D       G         D
"Well, it’s many a day I travelled, a hundred miles and more
                             A           D
But a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before.“

[Verse 2]
       D                                D        G           D
And as I went home on Tuesday night, as drunk as drunk could be,
  G
I saw a coat behind the door, where my old coat should be.
        D                                           G
Well, I called me wife and I said to her, “Will you kindly tell to me
     D                Bm                   Em     A           D
Who, owns that coat behind the door, where my old coat should be?"

[Chorus 2]
            D                                        D         G      D
“Ah, you’re drunk, you’re drunk, you silly old fool, still you cannot see
                                 A              D
That’s a woollen blanket that me mother sent to me."
                                      D       G         D
"Well, it’s many a day I travelled, a hundred miles and more
                                A           D
But buttons in a blanket sure I never saw before."

[Verse 3]
       D                                  D        G           D
And as I went home on Wednesday night, as drunk as drunk could be,
  G
I saw a pipe upon the chair, where my old pipe should be.
        D                                           G
Well, I called me wife and I said to her, "Will you kindly tell to me,
    D              Bm                  Em     A           D
Who owns that pipe upon the chair where my old pipe should be?"

[Chorus 3]
            D                                        D         G      D
“Ah, you’re drunk, you’re drunk, you silly old fool, still you cannot see
                                    A              D
That’s a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me."
                                      D       G         D
"Well, it’s many a day I travelled, a hundred miles and more
                                     A           D
But, tobacco in a tin whistle sure I never saw before."

[Verse 4]
       D                                 D        G           D
And as I went home on Thursday night, as drunk as drunk could be,
  G
I saw two boots beneath the bed, where my old boots should be.
        D                                           G
Well, I called me wife and I said to her, "Will you kindly tell to me,
    D               Bm                    Em     A            D
Who owns them boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be?"

[Chorus 4]
            D                                        D         G      D
“Ah, you’re drunk, you’re drunk, you silly old fool, still you cannot see
                                    A              D
They’re two lovely geranium pots my mother sent to me."
                                      D       G         D
"Well, it’s many a day I travelled, a hundred miles and more
                                  A           D
But laces in geranium pots sure I never saw before."

[Verse 5]
       D                               D        G           D
And as I went home on Friday night, as drunk as drunk could be,
  G
I saw a head upon the bed, where my old head should be.
        D                                           G
Well, I called me wife and I said to her, "Will you kindly tell to me,
    D              Bm                 Em     A           D
Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be?"

[Chorus 5]
            D                                        D         G      D
“Ah, you’re drunk, you’re drunk, you silly old fool, still you cannot see
                          A              D
That’s a baby boy that me mother sent to me."
                                      D       G         D
"Well, it’s many a day I travelled, a hundred miles and more
                                           A           D
But a baby boy with his whiskers on sure I never saw before."

[Verse 6]
       D                                D        G           D
And as I went home on Saturday night as drunk as drunk could be,
  G
I saw two hands upon her breasts, where my old hands should be
        D                                           G
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: "Will you kindly tell to me?
    D               Bm                      Em     A            D
Who owns them hands upon your breasts where my old hands should be?"

[Chorus 6]
            D                                        D         G      D
“Ah, you’re drunk, you’re drunk, you silly old fool, still you cannot see
                                   A              D
That's a lovely night gown that me mother sent to me"
                                      D       G         D
"Well, it’s many a day I travelled, a hundred miles and more
                                   A           D
But fingers in a night gown sure I never saw before."

[Verse 7]
   D                              D        G           D
As I went home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be,
  G
I saw a thing in her thing where my old thing should be
        D                                           G
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: "Will you kindly tell to me?
    D               Bm                  Em     A            D
Who owns that thing in your thing where my old thing should be?"

|Chorus 7]
            D                                        D         G      D
“Ah, you’re drunk, you’re drunk, you silly old fool, still you cannot see
                                   A              D
That's a lovely tin whistle that mother sent to me
                                      D       G         D
"Well, it’s many a day I travelled, a hundred miles and more
                                 A           D
But hair on a tin whistle sure I never saw before!"