A                                 C             G
Today I went to Major Matt's to remaster my old album
           A                                    C               G
And on the L train in the morning, I was pretty sure I saw Will Oldham
       A                                     C                   G
He was wearin' the same sunglasses he had on stage at the Bowery Ballroom
       A                              C              G
Had he come to walk among the Williamsburgers of his kingdom?
             A                         C              G
And like the burghers of Calais will a sacrifice be demanded
   A                               C           G
To offer up our dreams and beg for mercy empty-handed?
    A                              C        G
And hapless in our hipness crowded 5 to an apartment
    A                              C             G
Relegate our dreams to hobbies and deny our disappointment
           A                        C             G
'Cause The Stones in '65 want total satisfaction, kid
        A                          C                     G
But The Stones in '69 see grace in just getting what you need
                A                                  C             G
But if that's a victory, then I'd hate to see what I'd look like defeated
         A                                              C                G
'Cause I know there are those walk among us who seem to get their dreams unimpeded


[Verse]
      A                               C               G
Like, today I went to Major Matt's to remaster my old album
           A                                    C               G
And on the L train in the morning, I was really sure I saw Will Oldham
       A                                     C                   G
He was wearin' the same sunglasses he had on stage at the Bowery Ballroom
       A                              C              G
Had he come to walk among the Williamsburgers of his kingdom?
              A                                             C                G
And you might say now there's a guy who seems to have their world laid out before him
                  A                            C         G
Or you might say, he's just a rich kid or a fascist or a charlatan
               A                                            C                  G
But either way you say it if you look at indie-rock culture you really can't ignore him
         A                                  C                G
And even if at first dismissive, after some listens you'll enjoy him
      A                                       C               G
I was thinking this on the L train, intent on bursting my own bubble
    A                                        C               G
How long should an artist struggle before it isn't worth the hassle?
      A                           C              G
And admit we aren't fit to be the one inside the castle
        A                                       C               G
Is this quest for greatness or at least hipness just a scam and too much trouble?
    A                                     C          G
But then what makes on human being worthy of an easy ride
        A                               C                G
Born to be a natural artist you love or hate but can't deny
      A                                 C              G
While us minions in our millions tumble into history's chasm
   A                                             C              G
We might have a couple of laughs but we're still wastes of protoplasm


[Verse]
      A                                                C                    G
Like, today I was gonna waste some time and money to remaster some dumb old album
           A                                    C               G
And on the L train in the morning, i was really sure I saw Will Oldham
       A                                         C                   G
He was wearin' the same big sunglasses he had on stage at the Bowery Ballroom
       A                                  C              G
Had he come to see the strife here in the gutters of his kingdom?
         A                                   C                G
Where us noble starving artists are striving hard to feed our egos
    A                              C                    G
Our mothers like our music our our friends come see our shows
           A                                   C              G
And if our friends become successful, we'll consider them our foes
   A                                       C                 G
Go home to our four roommates after payin' big bucks for rockstars' shows
       A                                 C               G
What a nightmare! What a horror! I don't want no part of this
       A                              C               G
Get me off this crazy ride! I'm gonna puke, I'm gonna piss!
           A                           C            G
I'd rather kill myself I'd rather just relax or not exist!
        A                                                 C               G
But you say you wanna do an e-mail interview? Oh what the heck, I can't resist!
    A                                   C             G
Hey ma, guess what? Today I did another magazine interview!
               A                                          C            G
"Honey, that's great, you're really famous!" Yeah and I'm twenty seven too!
        A                                                  C             G
I kinda thought I was gonna grow up to do stuff that would benefit humanity
                 A                                       C               G
But it's getting harder to tell if this artist's life is even benefiting me


[Verse]
      A                                                     C                     G
Cause today I was gonna waste some time and money today to remaster some dumb old album
           A                                     C               G
And on the L train in the morning, I was totally sure I saw Will Oldham
       A                                         C                   G
He was wearin' the same big sunglasses he had on stage at the Bowery Ballroom
    A                                             C                 G
And since I was feeling in need of answers I just went right up and asked him, I said
 A                                       C                  G
"Will Bonnie Prince, Palace or whatever, what do you think about it?
      A                                               C                      G
Is it worth being an artist or an indie-rock star, or are you better off without it?"
               A                                                   C           G
Cause you know maybe the world would be better if we were all just un-creative drones
        A                                      C             G
No dead childhood dreams to haunt us, a decent job, a decent home
          A                                       C              G
And if we had some extra time we could do real things to promote peace
       A                                      C               G
Become scientists or history teachers or un-corrupt police at least
         A                                       C                G
"Come on Will, you gotta tell me!" I grabbed and shook him by the arm
      A                                     C                G
The L train was leaning Bedford with 10,000 white twenty-somethings crowed on
   A                                                C               G
He opened his mouth to speak but it was lost in the rumbling of the wheels
        A                                         C                 G
We were thrown together in a corner and I yelled "Tell me, man, for real!"
              A                                         C                 G
You're living comfortably, I assume, even if you're not quite a household name
                 A                                C          G
You've reached a pretty high level of success and critical acclaim
    A                                          C            G
The L train got to First Avenue and a bunch of people piled out
      A                                     C               G
I was staring into his sunglasses and I was really freakin' out, I was like
A                       C                  G
Steamboat Willie Bonnie Prince of all this shit,
                A                                C                G
You're like the king of a certain genre but even you must want to quit
            A                             C                 G
Like if you hear a record by Bob Dylan or Neil Young or whatever
               A                                     C                  G
You must start thinkin' "Yeah, people like me, but I won't be that good ever"
        A                          C             G
And I'm sure the thing is probably Dylan himself too
       A                                        C             G
Stayed up some nights wishing he was as good as Ginsberg or Camus
                 A                                  C              G
And he was like "Dude, I'm such a faker, I'm just a clown who entertains
          A                                         C             G
And these fools who pay for my crap, they just have pathetic puny brains
    A                                              C                       G
And Camus probably wished he was Milton too or whatever, you know what i'm sayin'?!"
   A                                                     C              G
So Will, will you be straight with me now that it's just us two on this train?


[Verse]
             A                                          C                    G
'Cause I was gonna spend some time and money today to remaster some dumb old album
          A                                       C                 G
And I saw you here on the L train and I was like "Hey, is that Will Oldham?"
           A                                            C              G
He must at least have some perspective cause it's like, living in this town
            A                                         C                  G
I get so confused and wound up and uptight and I just don't know up from down
    A                                       C          G
And then we'd reached the last stop and the subway was deserted
A                                        C             G
There was a long moment of silence and I let go of his shirt
A                                           C             G
I started to think that maybe I'd made some kind of big mistake
           A                                 C               G
I tried to walk out onto the platform but by then it was too late
    A                                             C           G
His sunglasses seemed to grow darker and still he hadn't even spoke
        A                                   C               G
He just came right up behind me and put his hands around my throat
             A                                    C                G
And threw me down onto the concrete and kicked my face in with his boot
               A                                      C                   G
And dragged me down onto the train tracks and tied my hands back with his coat
          A                                       C                G
And I was slipping out of consciousness as he was slipping down my jeans
           A                                C                  G
And he was punching me and humping me and I slipped off into a dream
      A                                     C                   G
So it might have just been a delusion but I thought I heard him say
                 A                            C                        G
Something like, "Artists are pussies" then he climbed back up and ran away


[Verse]
     A                                C                     G
So I lay there in the darkness on the train tracks cold and broken
    A                                 C               G
The hours passed and I thought "well, maybe I won't remaster that old album"
A                                           C                G
And then I started thinking maybe it really wasn't even Will Oldham
               A                                           C                    G
Even though he did hold my arms and fuck me just like Will sings in "A Sucker's Evening"
    A                                       C                  G
But whether it was him or not I couldn't forget the words he'd spoken
 A                                              C              G
"Artists are pussies," like, we're wusses or we end up getting fucked
          A                               C                            G
And other kinds of folks are dicks: tall, smart and strong and born to fuck us up
  A                     C                                  G
I know it sounds really sexist and stupid, It's a terrible analogy.
    A                                             C               G
But at that moment on the train tracks, it made a lot of sense to me
           A                                         C               G
Maybe it's just some kind of natural balance, like 2 types of mental gender
       A                           C            G
That's gone on in all societies in one form or another,
          A                                      C          G
Like some dicks were born to conquer, I probably would if I could,
                  A                                          C                            G         A
But if I'm just a pussy, that's okay, 'cause in a few months maybe I'll put out something good