Williamsburg Will Oldham Horror

A                             
Today I went to Major Matt's to 
    C             G
remaster my old album
           A                       
And on the L train in the morning, 
             C               G
I was pretty sure I saw Will Oldham
       A                           
He was wearin' the same sunglasses 
          C                  
he had on stage at the Bowery 
 G
Ballroom
       A                     
Had he come to walk among the 
         C              G
Williamsburgers of his kingdom?
             A                     
And like the burghers of Calais 
    C              G
will a sacrifice be demanded
   A                               
To offer up our dreams and beg for 
C           G
mercy empty-handed?
    A                              
And hapless in our hipness crowded 
C        G
5 to an apartment
    A                              
Relegate our dreams to hobbies and 
C             G
deny our disappointment
           A                       
'Cause The Stones in '65 want total
 C             G
 satisfaction, kid
        A                          
But The Stones in '69 see grace in 
C                     G
just getting what you need
                A                
But if that's a victory, then I'd 
                  C           
hate to see what I'd look like 
  G
defeated
         A                         
'Cause I know there are those walk 
                     C        
among us who seem to get their 
        G
dreams unimpeded


[Verse]
      A                            
Like, today I went to Major Matt's 
   C               G
to remaster my old album
           A                       
And on the L train in the morning, 
             C               G
I was really sure I saw Will Oldham
       A                           
He was wearin' the same sunglasses 
          C                  
he had on stage at the Bowery 
 G
Ballroom
       A                     
Had he come to walk among the 
         C              G
Williamsburgers of his kingdom?
              A                    
And you might say now there's a guy
                         C         
 who seems to have their world laid
       G
 out before him
                  A                
Or you might say, he's just a rich 
            C         G
kid or a fascist or a charlatan
               A                
But either way you say it if you 
                            C 
look at indie-rock culture you 
                 G
really can't ignore him
         A                      
And even if at first dismissive, 
            C                G
after some listens you'll enjoy him
      A                            
I was thinking this on the L train,
           C               G
 intent on bursting my own bubble
    A                              
How long should an artist struggle 
          C               G
before it isn't worth the hassle?
      A                           
And admit we aren't fit to be the 
C              G
one inside the castle
        A                        
Is this quest for greatness or at 
               C               G
least hipness just a scam and too 
much trouble?
    A                              
But then what makes on human being 
       C          G
worthy of an easy ride
        A                          
Born to be a natural artist you 
     C                G
love or hate but can't deny
      A                         
While us minions in our millions 
        C              G
tumble into history's chasm
   A                               
We might have a couple of laughs 
              C              G
but we're still wastes of protoplasm


[Verse]
      A                            
Like, today I was gonna waste some 
                    C              
time and money to remaster some 
      G
dumb old album
           A                       
And on the L train in the morning, 
             C               G
i was really sure I saw Will Oldham
       A                   
He was wearin' the same big 
                      C          
sunglasses he had on stage at the 
         G
Bowery Ballroom
       A                           
Had he come to see the strife here 
       C              G
in the gutters of his kingdom?
         A                         
Where us noble starving artists are
          C                G
 striving hard to feed our egos
    A                              
Our mothers like our music our our 
C                    G
friends come see our shows
Continues after the ad
           A             
And if our friends become 
                      C            
successful, we'll consider them our
  G
 foes
   A                               
Go home to our four roommates after
        C                 G
 payin' big bucks for rockstars' 
shows
       A                           
What a nightmare! What a horror! I 
      C               G
don't want no part of this
       A                       
Get me off this crazy ride! I'm 
       C               G
gonna puke, I'm gonna piss!
           A                     
I'd rather kill myself I'd rather 
      C            G
just relax or not exist!
        A                          
But you say you wanna do an e-mail 
                       C           
interview? Oh what the heck, I 
    G
can't resist!
    A                          
Hey ma, guess what? Today I did 
         C             G
another magazine interview!
               A                   
"Honey, that's great, you're really
                       C           
 famous!" Yeah and I'm twenty seven
 G
 too!
        A                          
I kinda thought I was gonna grow up
                        C      
 to do stuff that would benefit 
       G
humanity
                 A                 
But it's getting harder to tell if 
                      C   
this artist's life is even 
            G
benefiting me


[Verse]
      A                            
Cause today I was gonna waste some 
                         C      
time and money today to remaster 
               G
some dumb old album
           A                       
And on the L train in the morning, 
              C               G
I was totally sure I saw Will Oldham
       A                   
He was wearin' the same big 
                      C          
sunglasses he had on stage at the 
         G
Bowery Ballroom
    A                              
And since I was feeling in need of 
               C                
answers I just went right up and 
 G
asked him, I said
 A                            
"Will Bonnie Prince, Palace or 
           C                  G
whatever, what do you think about 
it?
      A                          
Is it worth being an artist or an 
                     C             
indie-rock star, or are you better 
         G
off without it?"
               A                   
Cause you know maybe the world 
                                C  
would be better if we were all just
         G
 un-creative drones
        A                        
No dead childhood dreams to haunt 
              C             G
us, a decent job, a decent home
          A                     
And if we had some extra time we 
                  C            
could do real things to promote 
  G
peace
       A                    
Become scientists or history 
                  C             
teachers or un-corrupt police at 
  G
least
         A                         
"Come on Will, you gotta tell me!" 
              C                G
I grabbed and shook him by the arm
      A                            
The L train was leaning Bedford 
         C                G
with 10,000 white twenty-somethings 
crowed on
   A                               
He opened his mouth to speak but it
                 C              
 was lost in the rumbling of the 
 G
wheels
        A                          
We were thrown together in a corner
               C                
 and I yelled "Tell me, man, for 
 G
real!"
              A                    
You're living comfortably, I 
                     C             
assume, even if you're not quite a 
    G
household name
                 A                 
You've reached a pretty high level 
               C          G
of success and critical acclaim
    A                              
The L train got to First Avenue and
            C            G
 a bunch of people piled out
      A                          
I was staring into his sunglasses 
           C               G
and I was really freakin' out, I was
 like
A                       C        
Steamboat Willie Bonnie Prince of
          G
 all this shit,
                A                
You're like the king of a certain 
                C                G
genre but even you must want to quit
            A                   
Like if you hear a record by Bob 
          C                 G
Dylan or Neil Young or whatever
               A              
You must start thinkin' "Yeah, 
                       C           
people like me, but I won't be that
       G
 good ever"
        A                          
And I'm sure the thing is probably 
C             G
Dylan himself too
       A                           
Stayed up some nights wishing he 
             C             G
was as good as Ginsberg or Camus
                 A               
And he was like "Dude, I'm such a 
                   C       
faker, I'm just a clown who 
       G
entertains
          A                        
And these fools who pay for my 
                 C             G
crap, they just have pathetic puny 
brains
    A                           
And Camus probably wished he was 
                   C            
Milton too or whatever, you know 
           G
what i'm sayin'?!"
   A                               
So Will, will you be straight with 
                      C            
me now that it's just us two on 
  G
this train?


[Verse]
             A                     
'Cause I was gonna spend some time 
                     C          
and money today to remaster some 
          G
dumb old album
          A                      
And I saw you here on the L train 
                 C               
and I was like "Hey, is that Will 
  G
Oldham?"
           A              
He must at least have some 
                              C    
perspective cause it's like, living
          G
 in this town
            A                      
I get so confused and wound up and 
                   C            
uptight and I just don't know up 
      G
from down
    A                              
And then we'd reached the last stop
         C          G
 and the subway was deserted
A                                 
There was a long moment of silence
       C             G
 and I let go of his shirt
A                                 
I started to think that maybe I'd 
          C             G
made some kind of big mistake
           A                
I tried to walk out onto the 
                 C               G
platform but by then it was too late
    A                              
His sunglasses seemed to grow 
               C           G
darker and still he hadn't even 
spoke
        A                          
He just came right up behind me and
         C               G
 put his hands around my throat
             A                     
And threw me down onto the concrete
               C                G
 and kicked my face in with his boot
               A                   
And dragged me down onto the train 
                   C               
tracks and tied my hands back with 
    G
his coat
          A              
And I was slipping out of 
                         C      
consciousness as he was slipping 
          G
down my jeans
           A                       
And he was punching me and humping 
         C                  G
me and I slipped off into a dream
      A                     
So it might have just been a 
                C                  
delusion but I thought I heard him 
 G
say
                 A          
Something like, "Artists are 
                  C                
pussies" then he climbed back up 
        G
and ran away


[Verse]
     A                           
So I lay there in the darkness on 
     C                     G
the train tracks cold and broken
    A                         
The hours passed and I thought 
        C               G
"well, maybe I won't remaster that 
old album"
A                                 
And then I started thinking maybe 
          C                G
it really wasn't even Will Oldham
               A                   
Even though he did hold my arms and
                        C          
 fuck me just like Will sings in "A
          G
 Sucker's Evening"
    A                          
But whether it was him or not I 
             C                
couldn't forget the words he'd 
  G
spoken
 A                                 
"Artists are pussies," like, we're 
             C              G
wusses or we end up getting fucked
          A                        
And other kinds of folks are dicks:
       C                           
 tall, smart and strong and born to
 G
 fuck us up
  A                     C         
I know it sounds really sexist and
                         G
 stupid, It's a terrible analogy.
    A                          
But at that moment on the train 
                   C               G
tracks, it made a lot of sense to me
           A                       
Maybe it's just some kind of 
                  C             
natural balance, like 2 types of 
  G
mental gender
       A                           
That's gone on in all societies in 
C            G
one form or another,
          A                 
Like some dicks were born to 
                     C        
conquer, I probably would if I 
  G
could,
                  A            
But if I'm just a pussy, that's 
                              C    
okay, 'cause in a few months maybe 
                        G         A
I'll put out something good