Hey girl
I think you're really cool
And it would be gravy
If you would be my baby, baby

But don't worry
Because I know the rules
I gotta court you, baby
Before you are my lady, baby

Would you look at the time?
It's half past champagne
On a hill
While the sun sets
And we watch an aeroplane
Write your name

And then it's back
To the Shangri-la
I bought you this new car 'n
Wrote you all this poetry
You love it, baby

I know what girls like
That's why
You don't have to ask
I've saved the best till last

Three hours with a close-up magician
What?
Shut the fuck up
He's about to start

Three hours with a Craigslist magician
Pick a card
Any card
Choose any card
Not that one

(Close) he's gonna do things (close-up)
That bend your mind (magic)
With his tiny foam balls
And an almost-full deck of cards

When seducing you
Is my ultimate mission
You know, you're getting
Three hours with a close-up magi–
(Oh, yeah)

Tell me girl
Do you like magic?
Not really
Well, thank God your boyfriend hired a
Close-up magician

I get right up in your face
Don't give a damn
About your personal space
Now you're in my workplace
Was your card the three of hearts?
No
Fuck

He started telling us
His mother's in remission
Now he's crying
What an aphrodisiac
This close-up magician

Drops his stupid deck of cards
We watch him trip and fall hard
His pants fall down
I would be lying if I said
He had stopped crying (sad)

Three hours with a close-up magician
Four of clubs?
No
Ace of hearts?
No
My driver's license?
No
An UNO card?
No
Fuck

Three hours with a close-up magician
I know you're happy to stay
So babe, I'm happy to pay for

Six hours with a close-up magician
We're gonna prestidigitate
Until the break of dawn

Your whole life with a close-up magician
He's almost finished
Guessing your card wrong
Ace of diamonds?
No
Fuck

Close-up magi-ician
Close-up magi-ician
Close-up magi-ician

Three hours, six hours
Turns quickly into life
He sleeps between us at night
With a big knife

He dreams with both eyes open
And periodically screams
Because in his dreams
He's forced to do far-away magic

(Close) seven years (close-up)
The changing of seasons (magic)
He says he's gotta live rent free with us
For super secret magic reasons (no)

He is not homeless (not unhoused)
You doubt him too much, girl (just magic)
He senses your disbelief
And he's finally had enough

He knows what girls like
That's why
We float into the night sky
You can't believe your eyes
It's a vanishing act
He's saved the best till last

Goodbye, from your close-up magician
Three hours with a close-up magician
Behind the couch, is that our close-up magician?
Please don't look there
That must be a different magician

His pants fell down again
Poor close-up magician
That's just part of the trick
What a cool close-up magician

Please, stop crying
Little close-up magician
Your whole life with a close-up mag–
Close-up mag– (yes)

Three hours with a close-up magician
Girl, I knew you'd come around
To the magic

Three hours with a close-up magician
Maybe now he'll stop doing card tricks
Or maybe not

Six hours with a close-up magician
We're gonna prestidigitate
Until our faces melt

Your whole life with a close-up magician
We'd better buy this C-U-M a belt
(Close-up magi-ician)