Fade up zoom in, this tragi-comic, story's about
Dorkshire and how it feels, to grow up there... shockingly boring
A place where metalheads rule and Van Halen's still cool

Well I admit, it ain't Abu Dhabi,
But there's cable here, Mc Donalds and topless bar
But what's the point in entering this flea pit
When it's known that the showgirl's your best friend's mom...

It must suck to live in Dorkshire
People with stupid grins
Women with hairy chins
Dorkshire town what a waste

Here we go, once again
We're full of bitchcake talk, what's the plan?