INTRO:
"I'd like to dedicate this next song.. to the ladies. (whoo!)
You might wanna hold off on them "whoo"'s, ladies
This is really a terrible terrible song.
It really is, I'm warning you right now: this one is FU**ING awful!
Alright.. For The Ladies.
If you're sensitive, I'm warning you right now; Earplugs."

    C
e]----------0--------|
B]------1-------1----|
G]----0---0---0---0--| x2
D]-------------------|
A]--3----------------|
E]-------------------|


VERSE:
    C               F
e]----------0---------------1--------|
B]------1-------1-------1-------1----|
G]----0---0---0---0---2---2---2---2--|
D]------------------3----------------|
A]--3--------------------------------|
E]-----------------------------------|
I kiss you on the cheek.

    Am                F
e]-----------0---------------1-------|
B]-------1-------1-------1-------1---|
G]-----2---2---2---2---2---2---2---2-|
D]-------------------3---------------|
A]--0--------------------------------|
E]-----------------------------------|
"Good night my love" I say.

    C               F
e]----------0---------------1--------|
B]------1-------1-------1-------1----|
G]----0---0---0---0---2---2---2---2--|
D]------------------3----------------|
A]--3--------------------------------|
E]-----------------------------------|
You turn to me and smile.

    Am                F
e]-----------0---------------1-------|
B]-------1-------1-------1-------1---|
G]-----2---2---2---2---2---2---2---2-|
D]-------------------3---------------|
A]--0--------------------------------|
E]-----------------------------------|
"A baby's on the way"

    G               G
e]----------3---------------3--------|
B]------3-------3-------3-------3----|
G]----0---0---0---0---0---0---0---0--|
D]-----------------------------------|
A]-----------------------------------|
E]--3---------------3----------------|
And then you drift asleep

    F             F
e]----------1---------------1--------|
B]------1-------1-------1-------1----|
G]----2---2---2---2---2---2---2---2--|
D]--3---------------3----------------|
A]-----------------------------------|
E]-----------------------------------|
To dream of life anew

    G               G
e]----------3---------------3--------|
B]------3-------3-------3-------3----|
G]----0---0---0---0---0---0---0---0--|
D]-----------------------------------|
A]-----------------------------------|
E]--3---------------3----------------|
And I lie wondering

    F
e]----------1-------|
B]------1-------1---|
G]----2---2---2---2-|
D]--3---------------|
A]------------------|
E]------------------|
just what I should

F (strummed a couple of beats)
do.


CHORUS:
F G5    Am              G           F           C
I could kick you in the stomach and catch you unawares
        Am               G          F                   C
I could swear to God you accidently fell that flight of stairs
       Am              G               F               C
When I tell you that I love you I will look you in the eye
     Dm               C              F
As I slowly slide the hanger up your thigh..


"I'm so sorry!  I can't believe I just said that!
As I said, that one's for the ladies."


Chords used:
Am...x02210
C....332010
Dm...xx0231
G....320003
G5...355433
F....133211