Am                           E
My landlady had three lovely daughters.
     E                                 Am
They used to come and make my bed each day
     Am                               E
They used to come and clean my living quarters,
          E                                  Am
But their mother made quite sure they didn't stay.
          Dm
There was Mary: she seemed chary;
          Am                                E
There was Helen: she seemed well and truly sceptical
              Am
about my qualities;
          Dm                           Am
There was Julie: she was truly well-proportioned, but her
                E                           Am
caution brought exhaustion on my aching arteries.

          Am                           E
But I was wrong: they weren't at all impervious
       E                        Am
To the possibilities of high romance
      Am                       E
And I sensed a certain girlish nerviness
       E                         Am
In the way they folded my pyjama pants.
          Dm
And I was right, for late one night
             Am
Sweet little Mary, like a fairy,
         E                               Am
As I lay sleeping, came a-creeping to my side.
        Dm                                Am
She was mine: it was divine - but we were doomed, for very soon
         E                                     Am    Am  Am  Am
Into the room came sister Helen, and she (3/4) cried:

 A           E     E7       A
"Mary, go to bed!" Off Mary went.
      A7                D      E              A
"Now, young man," Helen said, "for your punishment,
 A                 E         E7             A
"We mustn't have a fight, we mustn't make a row:
  A           D       E                  Am    Am   Am   Am
"Turn off the light - it's my turn (4/4) now!"

            Am                            E
Well, after all, I'm young and relatively vigorous,
    E                             Am
And though I still protest my innocence,
   Am                            E
By temperament I'm strictly un-polygamous,
         E                          Am
And if I sinned, I sinned in self-defence.
        Dm                             Am
Nevertheless I must confess I wouldn't miss that
                          E                        Am
sort of bliss And when it ended I was rendered comatose.
               Dm                      Am
When, loud and clear, very near, in my ear a loud
                        E                               Am    Am   Am   Am
voice spoke  And I was awoken from my post-coital (3/4) doze.

 A            E     E7          A
"Helen, go to bed!" Helen went away.
      A7                D      E                A
"Now, young man," Julie said, "you will have to pay!
A                        E       E7              A
"You've blighted Helen's charms, filched her purity.
A             D      E                    Am   Am   Am   Am
"Open up your arms - come and filch (4/4) me!"

       Am                       E
I was amazed, and really rather tired;
              E                      Am
I thought I'd given all that I could give.
         Am                   E
A little kip was all that I desired,
        E                            Am
But I'm British, so my upper lip was stiff.
           Dm                     Am       
She was chaotic, idiotic, quite exotic and ecstatic,
    E                      Am
Acrobatic and emphatically fine.
          Dm                             Am
All to no good, for when I could open my eyes, to my
                     E                         Am   Am   Am   Am
surprise I found her mother looking into (3/4) mine.

 A            E     E7             A
"Julie, go to bed!" Julie left the scene.
     A              D        E               A
"Now listen, Ma," I said, "I know the old routine.
      A           D         E          A
"I'll do what you like, but I shall be vexed
          A                 D      E            Am      Am
"And I'll bloody well go on strike if Grandma's next!"


Listen to the recording on youtube, it's a nice simple tune
and fun to play for friends. This is my first attempt so any
comments or corrections welcome. Cheers, BigMick.