G                                C                D
Hey honey have you gained some weight in your rear-end
G                               C          D
The dress you wear reminds me of my old girlfriend
Em              D                  C                  G
And where'de you get those shoes i think there pretty lame
Em              D                  C                   G
would you stop talking 'cause im trying to watch the game


[Chorus]

Em                 G
If your a man who wants to live
Em              G
a long and happy life
Em                     D                   G
these are the things you don't say to your wife.


[Verse 2]

G                        C                  D
I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday
G                   C              D
I didn't ask you but i knew i'de be ok
Em             D                C            G
Go make some dinner while i watch this fishing show
Em             D         C         G
I taped it over our old wedding video


[Chorus]

Em                 G
If your a man who done that
Em              G
a long and happy life
Em                     D                   G
cuz those are things you don't say to your wife.


[Verse 3]

G                         C               D
Your cooking is ok but not like mother makes
G                         C               D
The diamond in the ring i bought you is a fake
Em             D              C           G
Your eyes look puffy dear, are you feeling ill
Em          D          C            G
Happy aniversary i bought you a treadmill


[Chorus]

Em                  G
If you're a man who wants to live,
Em                G
a long and happy (done that too)
Em                     D                   G
These are the things you don't say to your wife

Em              G                 Em              G
If you a man who doesn't want to get killed with a knife,
Em                         D              G
These are the things you don't say to your wife.